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Watching the best Ads of 2010 on tv, this advert came on as number 2:

John Lewis: Never Knowingly Undersold

Many people were stating how it described their lives, I suppose it's the most convention life one can lead :P. I however never really liked it, for me, this video was much better *WARNING: NSFW:



*check out the boy's version also it's really good.

Playing Rune Factory Frontier

For long periods of time!
Oh dear, I got RFF for myself at Christmas, now all I do is play all day LOL. I think I am addicted oh dear... The girl I think i'll go for is Bianca, the lonely rich girl lol.

My favourite bachelor from the Harvest Moon series (similar games but more about farming, no RPG element) has to be the sweet and shy Cliff (from the first HM I ever played) and Vaughn, he was lovely :P. As for the others, Skye was hot, I never finished HM Tree of Tranquility lol but I liked Julious.

Actually I prefer the Rune Factory games to the HM ones, but since there has never been a "heroine" for RF (yet, Rune factory oceans apparently has one) I can't say which bachelor I liked. However RF characters are much more fleshed out, I loved Max and Ray from RF2 and for sure the storylines and "romance" in RF is what I remember, much more than any HM games. In RF2 I had a very hard time picking a lady to woo, since all were wonderful characters, I ended up playing it twice (something shocking for me) so that I could marry Dorothy the second time around :P (first was Yue :D ).

The first RF wasn't my favourite, but I married Sharron the "ghost" and I was glad that RFF was the "direct sequel" which expanded on Raguna's story. In RF3 which only just recently came out, I of course married the mermaid Pia :P, since I love mermaids, and she was so funny, on more than one occasion she called my character (Leto) "awesomesauce". lol

Really I love dating sims :p (only the fantasy ones, the real life ones creep me out -_-) and Harvest Moon and RF games are the only ones I can get in the west LOL. From time to time I keep up with Angelique and Harukanaru Toki no Nakade, even though they've never been translated into English, just because they sound intresting and have pretty artwork. Ah I love my romance~ LOL

Harvest Moon:

Angel Myth Translation

Unfortunately on my old computer, I downloaded some nasty programme and deleted tonnes of my windows files. I also lost a lot of my old stuff, including all my wallpapers, my music (thankfully I managed to convert if off my ipod, but some I didn't sync and they're gone forever :( ), some of my anime videos, my huge cache of midis and some other random junk.

Also what got deleted, was all my angel myth files! thankfully however I had decided to do some scanlating on this laptop and I have volume 2 and 3 here with me phew! I just have to download 4 and 5 off some raws or if push come to shove, scan my own books. Volume 1 was already scanlated by a proper person who actually speaks chinese! not someone like me who decodes what google translate gives me LOL. I'll begin to start translating it again when I can ;).

Guin Saga

I love Shino Tanno's work (at least I believe that's the correct spelling LOL) they have done the cover illustrations for a japanese saga of fantasy books (think the asian version of A song of ice and fire) which has over 100 volumes!! These illustrations have inspired me to no end! I thought I would share this one with you, the others can be found here (volume 88 onwards).

Only the first three volumes have been translated into English but there is an Anime of it, which has been licensed in English but if like me you want a more intresting, darker knock off, then of course I recommend Berserk to you (the anime not the manga, oh man not the manga!!)

Phantom of the Opera The Game

Download it here

I love it, love love love, from the beautiful artwork, to the story. The phantom finally gets a love :), get the collectors edition if you want an extra scene at the end. Phantom is so hooot also :P

Sun Tzu's art of war

Watch the flash here

He didn't pay to sleep with whores, it's just a rumour! lol

On Sharing a Husband

Screw the fate that makes you share a man.
One cuddles under cotton blankets; the other’s cold.

Every now and then, well, maybe or maybe not.
Once or twice a month, oh, it’s like nothing.

You try to stick to it like a fly on rice
but the rice is rotten. You slave like the maid,

but without pay. If I had known how it would go
I think I would have lived alone.

In a maze of a manor

In desperation for her life
she killed her destroyer
but in the end all she created
was another pursuer.

Haunting Ground, a japanese game, is one of the epitomes of the "Gothic" genre, I was so surprised to see video game which incorporated all the traits which I love, a young girl in a spooky mansion, an older anti-hero who pursues her, a white dress, the evil female housekeeper, threats to her virginity etc. etc. I love it.

Similarly Mot and Durga go searching through Avalon's secret passageways, as Mot is pre-programmed to spy on the House of Spica though he does not know it himself, Durga killed her lover when she was young, an Oxsanis nobleman who kept her as a maid and his memory and his prediction still haunt her, as she goes deeper and deeper into the dark crevasses of the palace.

Riddle

Though ambition had never been part of your nature
And the call from retirement was not of your choosing
You danced in the end at anothers commandment
so you can't be surprised if we find it amusing.

The Yew Tree

My bonny Yew Tree
tell me what did you
see?

And I thought as I stood
and laid hands on your wood
that it might be a kindness to fell ye
one kiss of the axe
and your free from the rest
and the set bloody tales that
we tell ye,
But a wee bird flew out of your branches
and sang out like never before
and the words of the song
were a thousand years long
and to learn them a thousand
years more.

Another Strange Dream

My dream started out as me and some friends were in Korea, hanging out with some Koreans at a sort of home cinema, it was a big room with only a few people in it and we were in it right at the back. We were all having a good time, watching the film, when the film ended, they started playing some cheasy music, so we thought it would be cool to stay and have fun late into the night and goof around.

Anyway we decided to go home eventually, me and my male friend, had arrived at the cinema on some strange tram service, sort of like a steampunk machine that travels in a u curve underground. Anyway I looked at my ticket and was like, oh no, I didn't get a return, but my male friend had. The ticket office was closed because it was so late and there was only one other tram. My male friend was all, oh you can get a taxi and I was like, it's Korea, I don't speak Korean, please don't leave me here by myself but he had a return ticket and the last tram was in the station.

We stood in front of it and soem people were arguing nearby, suddenly the door opened (it was a sort of platform which came up, out and then slotted into the floor to create a sort of ramp and it was all steampunky and such) and I said to my male friend "Don't you dare get on it and leave me here on my own" but he just shrugged and said you can get a taxi and got on. I was really upset and I thought, well I hope it crashes! Then I left the tram and went walking around the shopping centre it was in, there was a weird shop that sold jewelry that looked like plants (probably because in the shop I work, the jewelry is made from plants lol).

I thought, man Koreans are weird, lol.

Anyway it turns out that the people who were arguing were the mechanics and they had forgotten to tighten one of the bolts properly so as the tram went down underground, it started sparking and then it broke down, my male friend managed to climb up the tunnel on these little prong things that stuck out, but when he got to the top, I had left so there was no one there to help him, so he fell back down.

A few years later, I was at the tram station again, and there was a news crew there who had said that they had found the survivors of the crash, my male friend's wife and his two children were there, the children had grown up, as they had been small when their dad dissapeared so didn't know what to expect. Anyway the survivors were all seen to and we were still looking for my male friend, when suddenly a cloaked figure appeared, I ran up to it (I seemed to have feelings for this friend) and saw that his face was all burned and that his hair had turned grey and long and was tied back in a ponytail.

His kids ran up to him but he started blathering about putting white meat in jars, at first I thought he had become a cannibal but as he kept blatting on I saw he was talking about burying the dead. Then he saw his wife and pulled his hood down and started acting really strange, like coquettishly flirting with her. I was upset coz I had hoped he had forgotten her (LOL).

Anyway they took him away, and I was at some place where I worked, I think it was some sort of steampunk newspaper shop and some girl there was all upset, apparently she had been my male friend's mistress, and she showed me this ring that had an eye on it to prove it, she said that when she faced the eye out, it showed him she loved him, when she turned the eye inwards it meant she hated him.

Then I woke up lol.

Beautiful Helen

Szép Ilonka (English)

I.
The huntsman waits with watchful eye
in ambush, holding shaft on string,
as ever upward through the sky
the ardent sun is journeying.
He waits in vain - in coverts cool
the stag still rests by some distant pool.

Long, long he sits in ambush yet
and hopes for game at close of day;
then, as he prays the sun to set,
behold good fortune comes his way -
it is no stag, but a butterfly,
with a girl pursuing, flutters by.

"Merry flyer, fair golden moth,
rest on my finger, do not flee!
Or I will follow, by my troth,
where red sunset gilds bush and thee! "
She speaks, and nimble as a roe,
she hastens on with heart aglow.

"Gad!" says the huntsman, "is this not
most royal game?" - and up he leaps,
pursuing, all things else forgot,
the path the flying maiden keeps.
Thus man and maid, in eager flight,
each seek a vision of delight.

"I have you!" - cries the happy miss,
and pauses, butterfly in hand.
"I have you!" - cries the man with bliss,
and so the graceful couple stand.
Caught in his eye's admiring glow,
the maiden lets the insect go.

II.
Stands yet the house of old Peterdi?
Lives that old son of battle still?
That house, though in decay, I see;
the old man sits and drinks his fill.
By him the girl; their huntsman-guest
looks on with eyes of warm unrest.

For Hunyadi, their chief who died,
the men have drained their glasses deep.
For that great hero, Hungary's pride,
the veteran is forced to weep.
His blood flowed free in days of yore,
his tears in equal measure pour.

"Drink to my old chief's royal son!" -
the patriarch cries, "Long live the King!"
The blushing huntsman seems undone,
he lets his glass stand, faltering.
"Why won't you drink? What seems amiss?
Accept a father's will in this!

I could, in years, be twice your sire;
I drink, believe me, without blame -
the King's a man of faith and fire,
who will not put his blood to shame!"
Stirred by the greybeard's earnest plea,
the youth stands up in fealty.

"Long live the son of that old chief!
As long as Hungary may he live!
Yet may his days be black and brief
if e'er his best he fails to give!
Better no King than one disloyal,
who plagues the land unsound, unroyal. "

In deepening ardour and applause
the fleeting hours swiftly soar;
and still the maid's affection draws
more closely to the visitor.
"Ah, that I knew his name and home!"
Her warm heart speaks, her lips are dumb.

"Fair flower of the forest, you,
I also praise the pledge in wine!
And should God e'er direct you two
to Buda, you with me must dine.
In Buda's lofty tower I dwell,
At Matyas' court they know me well..."

The huntsman speaks, and takes his leave.
A far-off slug-horn bids him go.
Although his hosts entreat and grieve
and seek fresh kindnesses to show.
"Come back to see your friends once more,
in case we do not come before!"

Reluctant on the threshold now
she speaks in modesty polite.
He prints a kiss upon her brow,
then marches through the moonlit night.
The house is still, but not her breast,
where love won't grant a moment's rest.

III.
Peterdi and his grandchild sweet
go up to visit Buda-town.
The old man's wonder is complete
to see new mansions of renown.
The maiden waits in anxious pain
to meet her handsome youth again.

Glad crowds are thronging Buda's streets;
they watch to see their monarch ride
in triumph from the warlike feats
that humbled vile Vienna's pride.
Real subjects long to see their King -
no smiles on the maid's features cling.

"Where is our gentle friend today?
What fortunes has he followed here?
Is he at home, or far away
in shady coverts of the deer?"
She speaks to herself silently,
with cheeks now blushed, now blanched to see.

And now with warlike shouts ride by
Ujlaki and the Magyar lords;
the king himself with noble eye
surveys the escort of their swords.
Old Peterdi in wonder peers,
perceives his guest, and joins the cheers.

"God save the King! God bless his fame!"
Ten thousand throats around him shout;
ten thousand echoes greet his name,
hill, vale, and rampart ring it out.
But whiter than white marble there
Ilonka stands in mute despair.

"Shall we go on to Matyas' hall
to see our friend once more, my lass?
Methinks our forest mansion small
will give us greater peace, alas!"
The greybeard speaks in pained dismay,
and back they plod their weary way.

As droops a radiant summer flower
that withers from an inner blight,
so drooped Ilonka from that hour
and sickened towards eternal night.
Within her heart a cancer fed
on passion's hopes forever dead.

The brief but anguished life is o'er,
a girl has faded to her death,
a tender lily suffering sore
in innocence and anxious breath.
And when at last their royal guest
came back once more, she lay at rest.

Kirkconnell, Watson

The Fortuna

Durga becomes Risha's Fortuna, while the relationship between them is good they say, he will be a successful King. Her headdress:

Very Strange Dream

Yes it was indeed strange! and I shall tell you all about it.

It starts off normal, in a high school sort of Shoujo-manga esq. The main girl is very popular and friendly to everyone, she has about three guys after her, one of the guys she likes back, who is her best friend and looks out for her all the time, one of the other guys is however one of her old teachers, he was fired on mysterious circumstances, and now hangs out in the old junkyard behind the school, the girl always enters the school from this side so she always says hello to him.

A few years ago in the school a girl was found murdered, however that wasn't the shock, when they found her body they first thought they had found a chopped up and bloody octupus but then they realised that this "octupus" was part of the girls body. You see she had tentacles on her body lol (my mind!) this is a worry for the girl because secretly, she also has tentacles on her body! It is a generic thing in her family, that skips generations. The tentacles usually appear on the torso and so does hers, so she can hide it fairly well.

Her grandma asks her to wear a special vests so that it hides it, apparently the girl will grow out of it eventually and the tentacles will drop off. However the tentacles often have a mind of their own, wanting to do bad things so she has to keep an eye on them. The girl has heard rumours that the fired teacher was into kinky stuff and accused of liking young girls with tentacles, that was why he was fired on suspicion of the murder of the other girl.

However they never had any proof, the girl isn't worried though, she lives in the blue area on campus and so is far away from the creepy teacher except for when she sees him now and again.

However one day the girl and her boyfriend enter a magical swimming contest, where they have to turn themselves into waterbirds (don't ask) they do and are nearly winning the contest when the creepy teacher jumps out of the water and grabs both the girl and her boyfriend in their bird forms. He swims away before anyone can get him.

However a little bit later down the river, a fox is there for some reason and I think maybe he is the magically enhanced form of the girl's other male friend because he knows what is going on and saves her from the creepy teacher and hides in a tree. The creepy teacher still has the boyfriend and is angrily looking around for the girl but can't find her.

The fox swims away and comes across an old water gate (here the dream turns into a video game, trying to keep him alive). Holding onto the girl he swims through it, though its hard because the current keeps dragging him along and sometimes he has to swim into these little niches off the waterway and then the water rises and then falls so he has to hold his breathe. Eventually he comes out in the fresh air where there is a little break int he water gate. Here he sees his old love, also in fox form and tells her all about what's happened.

Around them strangely are bottles with keys sticking out of them, the girl says to him that he should change back into his fairy form and fly the girl back to safety. He agrees though not without saying he would come back for her and for the girl's boyfriend. He flies to the court of a white haired queen who he knows is good, however on the way the girl turns into some ladybugs in his hands and some escape (here I thought, oh it's just a video game, i'll pick them up later). He hands over the ladybugs to the Queen who puts them in a glass cage, and says to him because you did so you get rewarded with this match and this glue.

So he flies back to his love and tells her about saving her and then puts the glue on him and sticks one of the keys in the jars onto him because I know we'll need it later in the game. Then he and his love enter the watergate again, but suddenly the music turns to combat mode, apparently the evil agents of the game found them and now they have to fight them off.

For some reason I clicked reload in my mine lol, and went back to when the girlfriend and the boyfriend fox were sitting in the "break" area, this time I sent both of them back to the queen, and they were all lovey dovey on the way, and when we came back, the girlfriend also stuck a key to her body. Then we entered into the watergate again.

This big balck book came sailing towards the two foxes and the girlfriend opened it with the key of eldritch lore she had stuck on her, lol,it was white. However out of the book comes nothing but sand that washes over the enemies and doesn't do much. I thought to myself i'll have to read the manual about this lol. So the two foxes fight through the combatants and make it to the next part of the water gate...

and then I woke up LOL.

Hard Work

I've always been envious of artists, I always was jealous of how in only a few hours they could create something so wonderful and their talent was there for all to see. I always thought artists got the best of both worlds, they could tell stories so easily by just drawing them but actually... it's quite hard work!

Looking at this I see that art is just as hard as writing, it takes an large amount of research just like writing and takes several years to get good at just like writing, also one has to continually try things out before hand to see what is good. Just like a scene, the piece of art must be built over time and the greater your skill the more beautiful the scene/piece. Truly also in both, the more detail the more beautiful :D.

Rose and Camellia

My new book is fraught with family politics just like this... but without the slapping haha.

Hi

Feeling marginally better, had to postpone exams however, am not happy about that :(

I am starved for inspiration *sigh*

I've nearly beaten this thing...

OCD, is a horrid, horrid, mental disease. I am not ashamed however, I have what I have, it's your problem if you're judging me. Over the last three weeks I have been in battle with my mind every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, the meds I was given have helped alot but i've had to be the bravest i've ever been.

There is no respite with OCD, there is no where to run or hide, no where to get some rest, your mind is with you all the time and when it goes haywire it is HELL. It is literally hell. You have to face your worst fears and struggle away from the edge all the time.

Right now I can live with it, now and again I have bad episodes but I know that the thoughts aren't real, and that I won't act on them. I am going to CBT on Thursday and hopefully that will help me as well.

I haven't gotten this far without help, I want to thank all those who supported me on stuckinadoorway, OCDUK and Nomorepanic.

Larsa look-a-like

It's no joke, that I love Larsa from Final Fantasy XII, and I just saw his look-a-like on the mitchell and webb *shock*, from 2.38:

A comic :D

An Inspiring Comic for my as yet un-named novel:

Here

Edit: Ugh, I'm still such an English teacher, use the past tense! and if there is more than one "enemy" then use the plural!! plural!!

Questions

You know how much I love to pretend i'm a real writer :D, well here's some questions I stole from an interview hahah... oh i'm so sad :P

When you aren't writing what do you like to do in your spare time?

Surf the net, I find a lot of inspiration out there and it's like my own personal library, listen and study traditional english folk music, read manga/manwha/manhua, listen to audiobooks and podcasts. I love playing video games, my platforms of choice at the PC, playstation and DS, they are a real good source for inspiration, especially anything by Squeenix, I love their twist on the traditional RPG, especially Valkyrie Profile and the Final Fantasy Games.

Who/what would you consider your influences?

Wow that's a hard question! I really look to the classics, I love the atmosphere of Gothic novels, I also get inspiration from fairytales and myths and Legends. I love Tanith's Lee's writing style and her boundless imagination. Pre-Raphaelite art, espically anything by Edward Burne-Jones.I look to history for knowledge and from my studies of the East.

Eh i'm too tired to write anymore, Also did I tell you I have OCD?? yeah apparently okies bye!

Old Novel Trailer

I found this while routing around, it was a book trailer I did for an old novel of mine, the one before 'Hazards' that was my masterpiece.

The Unnamed Novel

As of yet, it has no name. It does however have a semblance of a plot (note: I have only been thinking this up for two days, so don't expect much). Mot is a PRETA, a human made from the bodies of other humans and machinery, neither human nor machine, PRETAs were made to be expendable human resources, used in armies and in dangerous work they are the lowest of the low, they are also stigmatised because they are not born naturally, they are the ultimate Frankenstein's monster, they have no souls.
During the war however, most of the PRETAs were wiped out in a suicide attack to allow the human pilots to escape, some survived and rumours abound about a terrorist faction.

Mot emerged out of the Desert and meets an old Albino Chinese trader in a bar called Fang, taking a liking to Mot, he gives him a ride to the capital of the Empire, where he meets Fang's adopted daughter Durga, a pale faced girl with a withered arm. While walking the streets, Mot meets a man who he at first mistakes for a boy due to his stature, the man is singularly beautiful and finely dressed in the manner of nobility and he later learns this is the eternally young Prince, a man who has never grown fully and rumours abound that he is secretly a PRETA himself. When Mot and Durga attempt to sneak their way into the palace that night, everything changes when Durga is captured by the young Prince.

Characters:

Mot: A PRETA, about 30, brown hair in a ponytail, wistful, witty, with a sort of child-like innocence about the world.

Fang: A sleazy merchant who plays on the Confucius stereotype, has bad teeth, smokes alot, wise-cracks

Durga: A hard as nails girl with a mysterious past, red hair and dark eyes, she is an actress at the Noh theatre, her arm from the elbow is withered like a claw, she wishes more than anything to get her arm replaced with a PRETA arm but laws forbid it.

Vivien Gael XXXX : Prince, studies the Analects like a religion in order to atone for a past sin, looked down upon because of his girly face and short stature, is augustly noble and polite. Falls in love with Durga.

Dieudonne Loic XXXX : Younger brother of Vivien but is actually taller and more manly than he, is set to be the next heir as his brother is overlooked in favour of himself, vain, flamboyant, unintentionally cruel.

Mathieu XXXX XXXX: Older brother of Vivien and Dieudonne, gone missing.

Elizabet: Don't know much about her but she is a noble woman.

A funny and sweet story

In order to beat my crippling Pure O O.C.D, (yeah I didn't think my mind could get any worse but yeah, apparently I had a sort of mini-breakdown due to stress and my o.c.d emerged out of this) I've been thinking up another story inspired by a city in FF XII (strange I know...), usually I wouldn't do this and try to fight to keep my intrest in 'Hazards' but if you know what Pure O, O.C.D is and what it's like to have it, then you'd understand (seriously, type it in to google) and I started reading fanfiction, I usually would abstain from fanfiction but I don't mind now if it distracts me and found this quite funny piece here

Me Reviews: The Path

I had heard about the game many years ago when it was still in production and back then I was very intrigued in the premise.

The idea of the game revolves around the Red Riding Hood story, when you first start the game you are greeted by five girls, you as the mother send each one off to visit grandma with some wine and bread. The game starts out with said girl on "the path" with the words of her mother echoing in her mind "don't stray off the path" however the aim of the game is to stray off the path and enter a wood filled with psychologically imagery, if you just follow the path you receive the failure ending.

Each girl's travels through the forest is different, each will come across different items in the forest and depending on the girl can interact with them. These items including a rusty car, a television that plays nothing but static, a well, a treasure chest, a wheelchair and others, they invoke the girl to muse in her own way about the item therefore you learn more about her the more items you find.

As you travel through the forest you will encounter each girl's "wolf", in only one of the girls travels is the wolf an actual wolf, in others they are men or a mist creature or a young girl dressed in red. The wolf represents something traumatic that happened to the girl and after a cut scene with the wolf, the girls are returned to the path, lying there broken in the rain, each girl gets up and enters grandma's house where they are faced with a horrific journey through Grandma's house which reflects the traumatic experience.

I give this game a B+ because it is one of the best i've played but it also falls flat in several places.

First of all, I was a little put off by the fact that the girls were so broken by their experiences, and some of the girls for arbitrary reasons. Although each travel is vague and can be interpreted in different ways, the general consensus for one of the travels of Ginger was that it was about the trauma of menstruation and growing up, umm... I don't know why people have this idea that menstruation is "traumatic" it didn't bother me much, I just was a bit pissed that I would have to do this every month. I watched a cartoon on a site once about a girl going through menstruation who wakes up and starts rocking backwards and forwards in her bed because she's menstruated with the words "you're a woman now" eerily sung over it, I was just like... whaaat? it's not that bad... really!!

The travel I most liked was Carmen, which deals with a traumatic first time, as yes I can imagine how that would be traumatic and her rooms in grandmother's house reflect her confusion and trauma, however the others were a lot more vague in a sense that I couldn't really understand them at all. In Rose's her ending is that she gets in a boat and meets a torso dressed in a cloud, that's it... I felt as through the creators had run out of ideas and just threw this together. Also Scarlet's (which is my favourite but only because her wolf is the most handsome XD) which is where she plays the piano and the curtain closes on her. What's that about? I could only understand it as her becoming a failed musician.

I believed that though this was an amazing game with beautiful enviroments and eerie imagery, it failed on a human level. The gameplay is amazing especially the grandmother houses, which you walk through clicking to move with the shadows of the girls superimposing, but that it didn't really talk about proper traumatic issues.

The idea of the game is, that if you leave the path (i.e. conformity) and do the wrong things, like having sex with an older man, being involved in a drunk-driving crash, and failing as a muscian, then you have lived and experienced (which is mirrored by the forest girl at the end, whose white dress is smeared with the blood of experience) unlike just following all the rules.

However I wish that it had gone further, there are so many traumatic experiences that they could have done but didn't and the ones they did do, weren't really done well, such as Robin's (it was supposed to be about a young girl discovering her own mortality but I didn't get that at all), Scarlet's and Rose's. Carmen's and Ruby's were very good but they weren't the best. Themes they could have done: Death of a parent, unwanted pregnancy (which could also be about a miscarriage), being gay or lesbian or transgendered, loss of faith, sickness or illness, loneliness etc. etc.

All in all, I say play it, it's an experience which you won't regret but don't expect this to be any sort of real psychological look into the mind of a girl (just the fact that most of the wolves are male is one indicator, the girls didn't seem to have any problem with women which I find hard to believe).

Also it does get tedious after a while, since the forest is endless you can go for whole stretches without seeing anything, the girl's can also only run for a short time without getting out of breath. You can follow the white squiggles at the edge of the screen to find items but the squiggles don't dissapear once you've found the items, sometimes leading you back to the same damn bathtub every time!!

My Manga/Manhua/Manwha Keepers

Inspired by this post over at Smart Bitches, I thought i'd share with you the books that mean so much to me. I don't know why they are comics, I'm not an Otaku and fell into manga just by chance. I think it's because I love art and so comics give me just what I adore, beautiful art and beautiful story telling:

1) Tale of the Moon (Japanese)

My favourite, the odd couple of Usagi and Hanzo is my favourite pairing! Love the artists artwork as well. The story is the tale of a young girl Usagi, who falls in love with Hanzo the head of some ninja clan. Though born a ninja herself, she is very bad at it! Usagi is told to marry Hanzo after he is jilted by Princess Sarah but he refuses to marry her due to her inability, how she wins him over is so sweet and endearing :D. It's also one of the funniest comics i've read!

2) The Queen's Knight (Korean)
Oh I love this comic!!! It's the tale of Yuna, who while visiting a fairytale castle in Germany (the Swan castle) falls down a cliff and ends up in a fantasy world named Phantasma. Phantasma is a world of perpetual winter until the a "Queen" is chosen, the love of the Queen then brings spring to Phantasma. However the person who picks the Queen is the dark Knight Rieno whom all the Queen's fall in love with, because of his cold heart however he always rejects them, once she loses her love, winter once again comes to Phantasma and the Queen is dragged into the forest to die. Yuna attempts to break this circle but finds herself drawn to Rieno, will she also fail?. (Tokyopop stopped licensing this series :(, so I guess i'll never know)

3) Operation Liberate Men (Korean)

Another great comic. Suha is a girl who looks like a boy, one day she meets a strange man who kidnaps her and brings her to a world where the gender roles have been reversed and women rule over men. Thinking she is a boy he begs her to help them achieve gender equality in their world because of the type of world she comes from. This mysterious stranger turns out to be Ganesha, the concubine of the Queen, what follows is an amazing piece of work about how the world would be like is the genders were flipped. (Unfortunately also, the writer stopped writing this series due to illness but she may resume it)

4) Bara no Tameni (Japanese)

I read this online as it hasn't yet been licensed and is out of print in japan. The main character (I forget her name) is a young woman who is rather fat and ugly, when the comic starts she's just been dumped by her boyfriend who used her to appear kind. Her grandmother who looked after her since she was a child, dies and she is forced to find out what happened to her birth mother. Turns out her birth mother is a famous actress, who already has three other children from her various marriages living with her, one a famous actor whom the main character has loved since she was a young girl! This is a book that should have been a sitcom, it's just about how the main character deals with living in a house of insane selfish people and when it turns out that she may not been the daughter of the woman after all, weird incestous UST between Sumire (the guy she adores) and the very girly looking Aoi (who also may be in love with Sumire!) Haha!
(I also never found out what happened in this one, she gets married but... to who??)

So there you go my favourites!

Child Ballads

(no, not Children's ballads, the guy who composed them, his last name was child)

A list of some of my favourites:

The Outlandish Knight (Lady Isabel and the Elf Knight)

The Cruel Sister

Twa Corbies

Tam Lin

Sir Patrick Spence

Matty Groves

King Henry

I wish I could have seen them live! I may still... but it's not the same :(. Ah why wasn't I born in the folk hey-day!

I love this ballad! This is up there with my favourites, the eerie violin and the haunting chanting. I love the story of this, a hideous female ghost demands that the King do whatever she commands, including killing all his animals and lying down to sleep with her. The opening stanza:

Let never a man a wooing/ that lacketh these things three/ a store of gold/ An open heart/ and full of charity

So true :P. This is how all relationships should be haha, the man doing everything the woman wants!

Haha I kid, Chivalry is it's own reward.

Sex!!

Yes, it's what i'm going to talk about today.

I've never written a sex scene before, Sei and Cerys from my second unfinished novel, almost got there but Sei backed off because of his feelings for Heloise. However when thinking up 'Hazards' I knew instinctively that I was ready... ready to write a sex scene! However there were problems with this... mainly the fact that I myself am inexperienced, am I ashamed, no, why should I, as a Christian I only believe with sex with love (as for marriage... I'm unsure, I would have to think about that when I got a boyfriend) as for others, why judge?

Angelique and Rana are the two who I chose to do the dirty deed! In fact it was one of the reasons I wanted to write Hazards and I also wanted to write a sex scene that was filled with love and not lust (don't worry it won't be cheesy) and I did my research, I would like to thank Erotica romance :P

For Angelique it's not her first time (she is a concubine after all) but her first time was traumatic, I was reading this article and found this very interesting:

Call it the age of coyness, at least ideally. John Polidori, the first to mingle vampires and noblemen, wrote that his vampire, Lord Ruthven, in the story “The Vampyre: A Tale,” seduced women so that they were “hurled from the pinnacle of unsullied virtue, down to the lowest abyss of infamy and degradation.” In fact, so sullied were they, that they became wantons who cared nothing for their reputations or those of their families.

This is what St. Grieve percieved happened to Angelique and why he lusts after her, after losing her virginity and her power, she is forced to become Guy's concubine, she goes from the pinncile of "percieved" virtue (the sort of artemis type) to the sultry and disgraced concubine who turns away no one.

However for Angelique it is different, as a virgin and with the sacred spear that Reynadine gave her for preserving her virginity, it gave her power over men, she believed herself untouched. When she is seduced and then betrayed by her lover, she falls into seeking sexual gratification to soothe her pain and ends up being betrayed so much by her lovers that she ends up a broken bird and rejects Rana's pure if naive love.

In the end she is neither virtous, nor disgraced. She just loves and is loved and has sex because she loves. ^^

Neoromance

Phew...

Anyway, I am not someone who is constrained by their intrests to what is available in my country, as you can see from my posts about Angel Myth. If there's something that I love but it's in another language that won't stop me, I have books that I bought in German even though I don't know German and books in Chinese (which cost me a lot to ship from Taiwan XD) even though I don't know Chinese. I know google Translate like the back of my hand, and used it before they even had a lot of languages to use!

I love otome games from Japan and even though they don't sell them here, I manage to get a little dose from these two places: Neoromance and NeoRomance Love, oh and Harvest moon of course :D.

I usually refrain from playing Otome in a contemporary setting, but that creeps me out a little, why play when I can just go out in real life and do it? But I set that aside when a found a very good english Otome that someone had made called Re:Alistair. It follows the story of a young girl who plays online games, when after defeating a difficult boss her loot is stolen by a rude player, intent on getting back her prize, she tells him that she can figure out who he is in real life in less than a month as by a fluke of loss of internet connection she realises they go to the same school. It's up to you then to figure it out while finding love on the way :D.

This game was really well orchestrated, not to mention, the graphics and the mystery which pulls you in. I went for Travis by the way :P.

I need a hamster wheel

First before I ramble on, I'm not really crazy as that last post may imply, but let me put some ground work down for you. Imagine that for two and a half years you have done nothing, everyday you got up and you did... nothing... you saw, no-one, you life revolved around a tiny dark damp room and you only got to leave that room only for six hours every week in which you sat in a big room where no-one talked to each other, (unless, thank goodness for them, they were doing history or english). Oh, and what can you do in your spare time? MIND-NUMBINGLY BORING ESSAYS AND READING.

No I'm not in prison, this is what is called University... I am suffering from stir-crazy, usually i'm as normal a person as you or me, but right now... guh. I wish I could just drop out and get a friggin job, I feel like one of those mothers who have to spend all day with their kids! Or Bertha Mason from Jane Eyre, she wasn't mad! she was just crazy because all she could do was sit at home all day!

Man I don't know what those women did in the past, but I think I might die, can you die? from not doing anything?

The problem is my degree course has about five, friggin people on it... everyone else is best friends with each other because they have language classes together, we don't! We Eas students call them merely by whatever clique they are in. Man, I should have done a better degree -_- but no, I had to be special!

(Yeah Yeah Yeah, i'm sure you're university days were filled with booze filled bliss and joy -_-)

I Spam You

With a meme!! Sorry but... I had to do it, also I'm a university student I have 24 hours off a day, I have to fill it somehow.

What’s the last thing you wrote?

Before 'Hazards' it was a novel called 'The Queen of the World's End'

Was it any good?

I stopped writing it because my writing skill had changed and the beginning no longer matched up with the end. Therefore it wasn't very well written but it still has the best plot I have ever come up with.

What’s the first thing you ever wrote that you still have?

'The Line of Peace' I wrote it just before I went to High school, it detailed the first adventure of a character who had been with me from childhood, my sort of alter-ego, Anika.

She was a portal shifter, someone who travelled from earth to distant worlds to help them out, she had a locket which was given to her by her sort of "guardian angel" whose name kept changing overtime but I know now him as Celestin. In the 'Line of Peace' she had a line on her wrist that when it dissapeared completely, the world she was trying to save would be destroyed.

I only managed like 5 pages, but Anika had many other stories in my head, including getting married and having a child. In fact she was the cornerstone of all my stories back then as her husband's family tree branched out and each one of them had different stories and her children's children had stories and her guardian married her clone *_*, really he should have married her... but she had already married Vaughn >_<, that story was the saddest one as he had to let her go to marry him *sniff*, ah nostalgia!!

Write poetry?

Of course, like all angsty teenagers, you can still find it over at DA.

Angsty poetry?

Of course!

Favourite genre of writing?

Fantasy setting, Romance at the centre of the plot.

Most fun character you ever wrote?

Anika, because she was a total Mary Sue and I never indulged myself like that ever after.

Most annoying character you ever wrote?

Annoying... huh, well if I get annoyed by a character I usually stop writing them, but I guess right now it would be Iris, Rana's servant, she loves Rana too much and will never end up with him, it's so tragic...

How often do you get writer’s block?

I'm still not sure what this means, I believe being unable to write, I suppose. So as I said before I get it all the time. My inspiration is a fickle thing. Also right now i'm not as mentally well as I would like to be so it can be hard to write or have inspiration.

How do you fix it?

Just write, write, write and edit, edit, edit until it is done.

Write fan fiction?

Once I wrote it, with a friend. Never again after that.

Do you type or write by hand?

Type, when I was younger I used to have a notebook i'd write in, with my back against the door so my parents couldn't come in XD, that led to many hilarous mistaken beliefs my parents had about what I was doing! Now however I type with my thumbs and index fingers and sometimes my third finger it depends where the keys are on the keyboard because my handwriting is so bad even I can't read it when i go back. When I type in front of people, they all go "aaaah you type so fast" my reaction is... well I've been writing novels for over seven years, of course I type fast!

Do you save everything you write?

Yes, I horde so much stuff my "My Documents" folder has to be backed up seperately.

Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?

No, never. Sometimes I may use an idea from a discarded novel in a new novel but it will always be different. If I stop writing something it was because something was fundamentally wrong with it, so I never look back.

What’s your favourite thing that you’ve written?

I guess it would be 'Hazards' right now :D, though as always I tustle with it.

What’s everyone else’s favourite thing that you’ve written?

According to my DA, it would be a short fairytale I wrote called "The Umbrella Man"

What’s your favourite setting for your characters?

Dark gothic castles, wide sweeping fairytale landscapes, heavenly palaces and norse settlements.

What’s one genre you have never written, and probably never will?

Anything in a contemporary setting, sorry it bores me. (Oh wait... I did write that one novel... but uh... lets not talk about that heh heh)

How many writing projects are you working on right now?

One. I can onl ever work on one.

Do you want to write for a living?

No, no way. I cannot write without doing something else. I am a passionate person, to sit at home all day with just my novel would be living hell for me. I have to go out and about and do day to day things, my novel is my hobby, not my life.

Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?

No I write rather dark things... haha

Have you ever won an award for your writing?

Nope.

Ever written something in script or play format?

yes, unfortunately....

What are your five favourite words?

Love, wings, bright, heaven, blood.

What character that you’ve written most resembles yourself?

Cerys from QOWE, she was a mirror of myself in all her glorious insecurity.

Where do you get ideas for your other characters?

From other books i've read/parts of myself or people from history, like St. Grieve, he was an amalgamation of a man from revolutionary era france and Dom Claude Frollo in Hunchback.

Do you ever write based on your dreams?

I think I did once, however a scene with Naoise in 'Hazards' is based on a dream I had about a fictional computer game I was playing, where there was a cutscene with a lonesome man standing in a garden smelling a rose.

Do you favour happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers?

it depends on the book, books like Hunchback, I don't mind. Books with Romance however HAVE to end happily or I get angry XD.

Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?

Spelling, oh man yes, grammer not so much. If word goes all green on me, I try to figure out why. I think my grammer has (hopefully) improved.

Does music help you write?

Yes, yes yes! I listen primarily to folk music because they tell stories and therefore I get inspiration from them. Actually my use of the word "wan" has increased after listening to The Blacksmith XD. Also music does inspire me, Blind Guardian helped me get back into 'Hazards' but I can't have music on too loud, as long as it's background music I don't mind :D.

Quote something you’ve written. The first thing to pop into your mind.

Um.... from a poem, said by an oracle.

"An easy steal for someone like you, who sacrificed the power of the Peris, for a black hearted Harlot"

On Strong Women

Though I disagree with Yo Su Lan's views on Christainity, I'm still a big fan of hers. I started looking into other work she had done like "the Fire King" and "Dark Princess". Since she doesn't have an English site (not yet anyway), I had to use google translate on her webpage, and hopefully you can understand this quote (here she is describing her main female character in dark princess):

This is my favorite female role, but I think a lot of female readers may be disagreement with my views on it? @@ @ @
Female personalities of the characters were said to be not a good personality (such as echo), if the point was hate tough ─ ─ woman anyway, as long as they are not pleasant, right? ="= = "=

I just hate to pretend to be in front of men on the delicate, private fierce cruel woman too!
So, I Dakelisi definitely have the capacity of self-reliance, when necessary, she will be more reliable than men!
Anyway, this is what I like women.

Really I couldn't agree more! I also hate the idea of pretending in front of men to be delicate and I can't believe that people thought that Hui Sheng (the main character of Angel Myth, here refered to as Echo, as that is the literal translation of her name) was a bad character! I liked her, she seemed a really real character and someone I myself could relate to, she had friends but was also a loner, she was quite strict with herself and others, in fact a lot like me XD. I guess she is different from usual comic heroines, I can only really relate to the manga heroines i've witnesses who are in their own way good characters, who are always eager to please, sweet and love everyone around them and who are often saved by the Hero.. huh, actually that describes western heroines quite well also XD.

I wonder then what readers will think of Angelique and Maudlin, intresting :D.

Uh.... whaat?

An except from writer, talking about (what I think) is his writing process (gotten from here):

In a general sense, I write elliptically. By that I mean I open sections with some detail I want to resonate throughout the entire section, and through the course of writing that section you can imagine me tapping that bell again and again. Until with the final few lines, I ring it one last time – sometimes hard, sometimes soft, depending on the effect I want, or feel is warranted. It’s become such a habit now that I often do it without conscious thought.

On a most basic level it shows up in paragraphs (and no, there’s nothing unique to me in any of this). Look two paragraphs upward on this screen. The opening line talks about multiple points of view; the last line describes the many ways of seeing the world. But that last line isn’t just reiterating the first one. Something is added (in this case, a personal comment on my desire to experience every one of them). It’s probably the only structural lesson I learned in school that I still use on occasion – the whole introductory and concluding sentences to frame a paragraph.

uuuuh.... what?? I'm sorry but I can't understand this at all, the ringing of the bell? what? Is being completely incomprehensible a new kind of writing now? I realise that many people expect a writer to write online as they do in their novels... if this is so with that guy then... I mean I don't mind things that are hard to read if they are from another time, but this is the modern day! Write in contemporary style! dammit! However it is not as bad as this:

When buzz first began to build about Peter V. Brett, it wasn’t his debut novel, The Warded Man (REVIEW), everyone was talking about. Rather, it was about the Blackberry-like device he wrote the majority of the novel on, during his morning commute. Once readers got their hands on The Warded Man, the seriousness of Brett’s achievement became readily apparent – not only had he written a novel during his morning commute, using little more than his thumbs, he’d written a good novel during his morning commute. A damn good novel.

I'm sorry but are you f-ing kidding me (see I censor myself, oh the pain), on the communte! on a blackberry! argh this just makes me want to rage! The kind of effort you put into a novel is not something you can tap out on a dirty train, cramped against stinky passengers while simultaneously being rattle from side to side and listening to the girl two seats down chatting loudly about some guy she f***ed (see did it again) last night! Ugh, Argh... I just... argh!!!

I realised that if I ever did become famous (remember if, I said if... I am not big headed!!!) that I would make all sorts of big headed (ha!) mistakes! Like Nicholas Sparks and his "Jane Austen just did the same story over and over again" and "I am not a romance writer!" Like doing the above thing and writing like a moron -_-, I hope I never forget the fans or anything like that or become a "reclusive writer" or like that guy in that Frasier episode *shudder*

Also I decided that I may stop writing about my novel here because

1) it leads to crummy sentimental posts like the last one... which no one wants to read and diminishes my story by relating it to cliches -_-... man, did I actually write the phrase "warrior women" what was I on?

2) I get a sense of horrible insecurity that I am writing about it here and yet (here is the most big headed thing of all) people aren't flocking here in the dozens (oh man... -_-) I know that a family tree and a few posts doesn't even make a dint on the plot of my overall story but anything that makes me hesitate over the faith I have in my writing has to be eliminated or I will stop writing that novel all together (yup! I am that fragile!)

However then on the other hand, the reason I created this blog in the first place was to talk about my novel and I even named it after the dream I had where I was a published writer and had a website called Cloak and Candle, and after all this is my blog, if you don't like it then pants... you don't have to read it, but then... (ok I really shouldn't write this late at night and being lonesome from being stuck in all day -_-)

I'll think about it tomorrow... hahahah XD.

Mad Maudlin

Maudlin is the main antagonist of my novel but she is in no way a villain, I do not wish for her to be seen as evil, though she does things that would consist of that. Maudlin is a mirror image of Angelique, both start out as fierce warrior women, who act like and are the equals of men in their society, both break the boundary between the sexes, Maudlin breaking the patrilineal line to become Queen of Opis and Angelique becoming a sort of Joan of Arc character. However both branch off in different directions, Maudlin becomes so strong she becomes unfeeling, and unable to feel empathy she does horrible things and remains untouchable. Angelique however allows herself to become weak and vunerable and is betrayed for it, her resolution to overcome the terrible things that happened to her make her stronger than Maudlin and in the end she prevails.

I think that this is my brains way of telling me that, after what happened to me, I chose to remain a kind and feeling person, rather than become someone cruel and unfeeling even though I knew I would be hurt again in the future.

However Maudlin's character is in no way wrong, in fact she is a vessel through which I pour out my own anger at the sexist things that have happened to me and the utter revulsion I feel about the idea that all girls are so kind and sweet. There is nothing feminine about her, nor is she the epitome of masculinity, she exists to break the female sterotype and Rana the male.

Angelique's Body

I make it clear in my novel that Angelique is not thin, she like me has what I like to call a pre-raphaelite body :D (not even sure if that's correct... ah well) considering she's a concubine, you can see how i'm making a statement.

Review: Jodhaa Akbar

After loving Om Shanti Om, I asked a friend of mine about some good bollywood films to watch. After poo-pooing my taste in films, (she does love the films XD) she recommended Jodhaa Akbar to me and here is my review!

Actually it was really intresting for me, I know quite a lot about ancient cultures in Europe and the Far East but nothing much about India, I also don't know much about Muslim involvement there either, so I found it intresting to watch a story about a Muslim King and a Hindu Queen.

Basic Plot:
Akbar is the heir to some kingdom or other and wants to take over the whole of Hindustan, as a boy he shows a tendancy to be lenient and kind, especially to his
prisoners whom he refuses to kill even though his regent says he must. He grows up and so does his ambition, meanwhile Jodhaa is growing up as well, she has a foster brother who she sees as her real brother and they get on well and fight together.
Jodhaa has a condition for marriage and that is her brother should inherit the throne along with her real brother (or something like that) but her father refuses and makes him subordinate (even though his father was king before Jodhaa's father) he leaves in a huff.
Jodhaa's father gets all antsy because the Muslims (that is Akbar) are winning battle after battle (oh and something else I don't remember) so he betrothes Jodhaa to Akbar and a romatic story ensues!

The costumes in this are beautiful! I especially love Jodhaa's dresses, with the beautifully coloured veils, if only I were thin enough to wear those kind of clothes! with the tight short top and all :D.

The settings are beatiful as well, I love the palaces and the shots of the landscape and as for the story, yes it's intresting, I knew immediately that this would be an Epic story, it reminded me very much of European historical movies and folklore, with the "I won't marry you until you win my heart!"

I liked the story, but then I'm a sucker for the arranged marriage turns into love theme :D but I have a low threshold for gagging romance however... I had to have the VLC media player up in the corner of the screen so I could click off whenever a romance scene got too cring worthy for me >_< aaargh...

Also it does suffer from unintentional hilarity due to low budget/bad directing a la the Merlin film haha... the flying axe :D. Also don't expect too much from the characters, they are like many legends, cut-outs of social norms... I may have talked about this before somewhere... hmm...

So if you like, pretty costumes, epic historical stories, bollywood singing (the singing was good but you might want to fastforward they get pretty long sometimes...)
then look this up :D.

More Writing Techniques

As I write a learn more and more about my writing style. When I was younger, I would run out of steam after about 50 pages (even that), give up and start something new. After that I started writing full length novels, my first was Verglas which wasn't very good, I wrote that in high school (english high school, that is 11-15) the second was Queen of the World's End, which I started in College and gave up on last year. The problem I had with them was that I would just keep writing not thinking about what I was putting down, I would scoff at people who had writers block, but now I realise I have the most writers block of all!

If I don't have inspiration then my scenes fall flat, which is considering I don't plan, which is bad, I should plan but I find planning takes all the excitment out of writing. However right now i've devised a way around it, by re-writing my scenes after i've written then, kind of like shining a diamond until it's brillant, if you know what I mean but without inspiration... they really aren't as good, so i'm trying my best to re-inspire myself. The problem is also that I forgot most of the story when I went back to University *sigh* annoying...

Hopefully in the summer, I will be able to re-start where I left off, as none of my work has been as good as the work I did last summer on Hazards. So hopefully *crosses fingers*, my muses are pretty men (i'm not kidding XD) so i'll get a hunting pretty man pictures :P.

Problems of the Faith

I'm taking a break from translating You Su lan's Angel myth, not because of the problems I have with google translate but it's beginning to annoy me...

I never thought of myself as a conservative Christan, I've never boycotted a movie because it had the word "damn" in or not read Harry Potter or stopped playing RPGs because they had "magic" in but sometimes I do get pissed...

And it's the wrong kind of pissed, really... I haven't got much confidence really, i'm struggling to make that transition from child to adult and I don't have much confidence in my faith. Don't get me wrong, I love my God and will always be loyal but I hadn't read the bible in a while (i'm re-reading it now) and my faith had dwindled away, after I stopped going to Church as I didn't feel welcome in a place where most of the congregation were middle class, white people who stuck their nose up at a friend of mine who wanted to take pictures of the inside of the church. So my relationship with God was and is lacking, I feel i can no longer pray with conviction and I only pray once at night when i go to sleep.

However I can't argue my faith with an atheist and I get uncomfortable around people who slag off my faith, the bible says don't be ashamed so I do speak out but then feel stupid afterwards... -_-... I always had the idea of myself as a lowly servant of the Lord, one who can't argue theologically but believes and loves with all her heart.

Even now i'm not sure however, my love has been replaced with an avid fear of don't playing by the rules, Jesus spoke badly of these kind of people, those people who follow god's rules but have no love... I do love but I fear my wish to only do the right thing has encroached on it.

Anyway back to Angel Myth, I just can't deal with some of the things it says, like God is a liar and had shown propaganda to his angels and the devil is the underdog who just - can't - catch - a - break *sniff cry cry* straying once more into dark materials/neo-paradise lost era. Sometimes I feel so dirty translating those kind of phrases... her world building is so intent on judeo-christian myth I can't get away from it. However I keep going because i've never seen a character like Gabriel before, who inspires me.

I know these things shouldn't bother me, it wouldn't have done several years ago, after all that's her opinion and she's entitled to it and it's just a story but I just don't like it, i feel personally affronted and as guilty as ever!. I think it's because I don't know much about my faith anymore, about what is really written in the Bible and as I read more and more I feel guilty less and less, the God she writes about isn't my God, neither are her angels or her world.

So I may return later, but right now, I need a break.

Another Dream

I usually dream when i'm at home as I generally sleep in more and have a more comfortable bed (and it's not cold either :P) I woke up this morning thinking "I want my baby back!" Usually I have dreams about either a) being pregnant or b) having an arranged marriage. This was one of the first times where I actually dreamt I had a child.

I wasn't married, in fact I had taken a year out of university or something like that and was living at home. The father was a dark-haired skinny, somewhat emo looking kid who lived locally (I don't actually know anyone like this) and he was one of those people you would term a "bad boy", someone who I knew wouldn't be a good father or husband, so he would come visit every now and again with his girlfriend. The girlfriend was a bit miffed but I wasn't intimidated by her, he had to do his share of the responsibilty.

Anyway it turns out that we had had sex because of the peer pressure of our friends, since both of us were single at that time or something like that and we had forgotten about contraception. (our friends had also watched to make sure we did it, what's wrong with my brain??)

The baby I had had was a boy but I kept thinking it was a girl XD and I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted to call it, I kept thinking Vivec LOL! But the child never cried! not once, I kept thinking to myself, why isn't my baby crying? Whenever I left the child with my mother I couldn't hear the baby crying. It's just a quiet baby I told myself.

Anyway when I woke up and realised it wasn't real, I really wanted my baby back :(.

Pros and Cons of Games

So playing Dragon age: awakenings I was thinking about how different my "must buy" games are from each other. While playing through I was thinking about how many of the quests and environs reminded me of other games I had played, named Oblivion and FFXII (the run around and collect bottles quest) So I decided... to make a COMPARISON! haha.

Bethesda.
Oblivion/Morrowind.
Ah, I love this series. I have been buying the games ever since Morrowind and have every expansion pack (I think, they may have brought out some for Oblivion I haven't seen yet)
Pros:
- Love, Love, Love the quests in this game because there are so many and for different factions, so there is always something to do. The quests aren't dry either, often they have twists I never saw coming.
-Enviroments, Bethesda are so good at creating an atmosphere among Morrowind/Oblivion. I mean I had never seen something like Vivec before, a sort of compound city, amazing. I like how people in different cities have different armour and different races, nothing is missed.
-Lore, amazing! I spent hours in Morrowind readings books in the library (not so much in Oblivion) my favourites were the one called Pelle or something like that, about a man who is in love with a statue and turns it accidentally into a monster and the Vivec verses :D.
- Culture, as I said before each place in Morrowind at least had different cultures and I really enjoyed running around Oblivion doing all the Gods quests. The depth of the world is amazing.
- Do what you want, You know you don't have to do any quests if you don't want. You can buy a house, wear a nice dress, go to the church, eat at the tavern, go home and sleep. You could just live a normal life!
-Lots of loot! You can find lots of nice weapons and armour around, you're not confined to one nasty piece of armour.
- Don't take my stuff! Yeah I like how people get angry if you take their things!
-Story, loved Morrowind's plot, especially the whole Neverine thing, it was nothing that had been done before which was shocking (but I think it was based around Hindu myths, so foreign to our culture) Oblivion... mmm....

Cons:
- Lonesome, yes I get lonely. Your character has no family or friends, you spend your days raiding tombs and dungeons and what do you come back to, an empty house :(. (However in Morrowind you did have your "servants" but hell... not the same) I get lonely especially in morrowind as everyone is so RACIST! but you know at least Martin liked you in Oblivion XD.
- Too hard, in Morrowind at least. It took forever to get past Lvl 2 (not to mention I was trying to be a healer and a fighter at the same time -_-)
- Fugly NPCs, seriously...
- You can be ANYTHING! I joined the mages and the fighters guild and the assassin guild and the thieves guild, so really I could do anything without any consequences :(.
- Killing Lucian in Oblivion :( you bastards.
- No Romance option, come on!
- You are genderless, even if I pick the female option, i'm not treated any differently then if I was a man, the real world doesn't work that way :(.
-Dungeon fatigue, I get so bored of going through the same old tunnel all the time with the creepy music, I used to get so frustrated when someone sent me to a cave. I really really hate it. Oh and then someone thought it would be fun to have Oblivion gates, I was so happy when they all got closed. Hated them so much...
- The people with Corpus whatever, ugh they creep me out.
- Really tho the main beef I have is the loneliness, it really gets on my wick!!
- Can't get through without cheats (sorry i'm not a hardcore gamer... like that bit at the end of Morrowind where you needed such and such strength to open the door, not fun)
- Not warm fuzzy feeling, it's a cold cold world out there.
- The walking corpses in Oblivion and the sound they make ugh.

Bioware/whoever else
Neverwinter Nights/Dragon Age
Ah another series I love :D. Also have all the games and all expansion packs, even though I didn't play the last expansion for NWN2 the merchant one :(.

Pros:
-Romance!! YAY!
- Not lonely, not at all. You have your little rag-tag band and I grew to love them all! World doesn't appear so cold with them.
- Really good fighting system, I loved being a Cleric so much I always picked it.
- Hilariously funny, the dialogues between your characters and between your character and NPCs especially in NWN2. I will always remember, when we came into contact with a desire demon in NWN: Sand: stand aside i'll handle this! Khelgar: One more step and you'll be kissing the paving stones! XD.
- Amazing characterisation, I'm not kidding, I have fallen in love with about two male characters from these games (neither were canon romance interests hahaha)
- Good storylines, especially Hordes of the Underdark <- my fav
- Puzzles, yep sometimes it's nice to have them pepper up the dungeon exploration.
- Linear, unlike Morrowind/Oblivion

Cons
- Same old same old, uses the cliche fantasy world, DA darkspawn = orcs. Also they stole so much from Lotr the film XD like the part where the darkspawn march out.
- Closed world, not as big as Oblivion
- not as big lore, though more in NWN, cut down in DA.
- Not continous, because these games keep getting swapped from game department to game department they won't always be the same, like that last expansion back for NWN2 (not mask) what was that about??
- Throw a massive monster at you as a boss... *yawn*
- Your friends can betray you ;_;
- I feel geeky playing it, dark elves? Am I playing D & D??
- Only one/two love intrests, let me at the older men dammit!
- DA -> got rid of all the good parts of NWN2 like, stats based on your childhood (flirt, bully etc), choosing your own God (now it's just the Maker), More classes (than just Rogue, Mage, Fighter) and most of all only the conversation choices, you now only have three (neutral, nice and dickhead) it's impossible therefore to be lawful evil or chaotic neutral, bring back that system dammit!
- Bad Camera angles, in NWN but not in DA
- Hordes of Undead (actually this is true in oblivion)
- DA <- you are asexual again, even as a girl no one treats me differently really...
- No consequences, just like in Oblivion/Morrow, this I suppose is the game creators way of not making you feel guilty, I was furious to find out my character could have killed Loghain with a smile, ugh... Don't make me feel better game FGS! you're supposed to be "dark fantasy"
- BAD sex scenes *cringe*
- Alistair... need I say more?
- Characters suddenly becoming noble so as to molly coddle you, happened in DA when my character had Loghain on the team, up till then he had been the villain then suddenly he was willing to sacrifice himself so I didn't have to... whaaa??? Same with the whole sleep with Morrigan thing, the men obviously don't have a say XD (I was glad that it gave me the option to refuse but really... it stunts my own ability to create my own story)However in NWN this wasn't the case, in Hordes, your female companion will betray you at the end because of her past. Also it's more based on how much you sweet-talked them like in NWN2 Sand and Bishop would betray you if you didn't up their affection.

Huh, there's more cons than pros there but really actually, NWN/DA are really good (NWN is better than DA in my opinion, story-wise and also no Alistair...)

JRPGs
Final Fantasy, Valkyrie Profile, Fire Emblem, uuuh... the rest.
I play a few JRPGs but not many, my Japanese quota is usually taken up by Harvest Moon but now and again I stray over.

Pros:
-Taken over from the west in terms of Folklore, they use the "evil aristocratic family"/arthurian thing really well, so I find a lot of inspiration from these games.
-Beautiful environments, especially VP
-Nice romantic stories *loving sigh*
-Good characterisation :D
-Quite dark, it's nice that not everything always goes right for the characters unlike in western games. Also more sexual I suppose... :P
-Really good fighting systems, here's looking at you FFXII
-Nice music (sometimes...)
-Good bosses which force you to have strategies rather than just hack/slash.
-Pretty men ^^

Cons:
-Boy as main character (unfortunately, unlike the others I can't choose to be a lady :( )
- Too hard and then some... I often can't beat the final boss sometimes without a guide (I fail at games :D) Also what is up with collecting 5000 of one bit of something that fell off something to get a rare weapon or stabbing a tree a thousand times until you win a shield? I don't have time! I just want to play the story!
- weird life lessons, um thanks...
- The enviroment is ALL!! Also I know nuclear war is a horrible thing, I don't need a thinly veiled aesop to tell me that.
- Stabs at Christainity, I don't mind as long as you don't completely misunderstand... like FF10, yeah I get it's supposed to the Catholic church in the past but c'mon! Sin as a big scaly thing? your dad becoming the messiah or something? (oh wait, it has Seymour and an forced marriage, my fav so I guess it wasn't all bad)
- Sexist, couldn't get through Star Ocean, ugh...
- Silly genki girls *stabs eyes out*
- Bad pairing, why do you like her/him? (FFVIII i'm looking at you)
- Make them gay for the fans

that's all I can think of right now XD hahah... I love to complain.

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