I'm too nice to play Skyrim.

For a while I had heard about Skyrim coming out, eventually it did and I was happy. I had played Morrowind, I had played Oblivion and so I was content to download this and play to my heart's content. I forgot however the horrible sickness I got with the other two games. I remember in Morrowind, the game used to scare me shitless, maybe it was the fact that, it's a first person perspective, I don't know but I hated it, my god how I hated that game, I'd quickly rush through dungeons using tcl, I didn't even play the end boss properly. Somehow I had forgotten about that and all I had in my memories were rosy happy times, reading books in Vivec's library. Then out came Oblivion, boy I was happy! I thought yay, another game. I enjoyed it... until the Oblivion gates opened up. How I HATED them, I wouldn't go through them unless it was plot related and even when I had to oh how I hated it. I'd tcl them too, just to get to the end.

So I realised... I hate this franchise, I hate it so much. I hate doing dungeons, I hate the darkness of it, I hate the monsters, I hate the first person view.

Of course I forgot about that with Skyrim, I even remember thinking "oh these dungeons are ace, why did I hate them before" of course now I remember -_-, I remember like a fox. I hate the Daedra, I hate how evil they are, I hate how when i'm playing the dark brotherhood, I actually feel the guilt of an assassin. I hate how death was treated. I hate the undead, oh how I hate them, they scare me, i'm petrified. I hate doing bad things, I hate the darkness of it. There's a daedra that's a ruler of rape... enough said. But I still forced myself through the whole of the dark brotherhood quests, I forced myself to do the Daedra quests... at one point you met a cannaibal and she invites you to trick someone to her lair and eat them. She insinuates that as a child, I may have eaten a sibling out of fear of starvation. At that point I think I had reached my limit.

I give kudos to Bethesda, your world is too real for me and that world scares me. I don't know if i'll go back. I think I need some nice nancy drew games to ease my nerves. I feel i've let my gender down in hating skyrim and being such a wimp but i'm sorry, i'm just too soft and too good hearted.

Little Red

From this short story easy we discern

What conduct all young people ought to learn.
But above all, young, growing misses fair,
Whose orient rosy blooms begin t'appear:
Who, beauties in the fragrant spring of age,
With pretty airs young hearts are apt t'engage.
Ill do they listen to all sorts of tongues,
Since some inchant and lure like Syrens' songs
No wonder therefore 'tis, if over-power'd,
So many of them has the Wolf devour'd.
The Wolf, I say, for Wolves too sure there are
Of every sort, and every character.
Some of them mild and gentle-humour'd be,
Of noise and gall, and rancour wholly free;
Who tame, familiar, full of complaisance
Ogle and leer, languish, cajole and glance;
With luring tongues, and language wond'rous sweet,
Follow young ladies as they walk the street,
Ev'n to their very houses, nay, bedside,
And, artful, tho' their true designs they hide;
Yet ah! these simpering Wolves!
Who does not see
Most dangerous of Wolves indeed they be?

~Source

Review: The Dwelling Place

It had happened one day at university. I finally managed to get the tv working. Only one channel worked, and on this channel was a film "The Dwelling Place" me and my flatemate both love costume dramas so we were happy to watch. We only caught the end. A young girl standing on the moors, suddenly a weedy blonde young man arrives, he askes her if another man truly had claim on her, she smiles, in a way that I had never seen, it's a refreshing smile and says that that other man loved the mill more than her. The man asks for her hand in marriage and she agrees. I'm set here, for one: the girls smile and secondly the young man, the hero, doesn't look like an ordinary hero, he's weedy, he looks like a kind guy. The kind of heroes I like lol.

Therefore I decided to get the book. Or rather my mother bought it for me because I had no money.

It turned out to be a Catherine Cookson. When I told my mother this she burst out laughing and I was a little petrubed, she told me all the plots were the same, a poor girl managing to come out on top with lots of money. I however stood by it and she got me a copy.

At first I was rather bored, a typical set up, a young girl loses her parents, she had to look after the children. They can't live in the house so they have to live in a cave on the moor. Of course there's this farmer guy, who instantly loves her because of her beauty and because she's so self-sacrificing (this will be a trope throughout the rest of the book). He helps her to building a sort of shack thing and survive for the first few months

Now I didn't mind it so much I was happy to go along with it. Anyway it started to get interesting when the twins from the manor appear. I wrote my university thesis on gender role swapping and so I was happy when she described the boy and girl twin as having their genders switched. I love that kind of hero, a beta hero, I hate alphas. In fact I prefer the woman in be in charge usually :P hehe.

Anyway the two twins have a lot to drink and go rambling when they come upon Cissie (the girl) anyway some point early on the sister (I can't remember her name so i'll call her Jo) had caught Cissie's little brother poaching and Cissie had fought her off and humilated her. So she has a go at her again when she sees her, tries to attack her, the brother gets inbetween and in some sort of Shoujo-esq trope ends up falling on top of Cissie.

This is where the shoujo-esq stops. Because he starts groping her and his sister eggs him on, because of course he's a virgin and he's scared etc. etc. Then he apparently rapes her. It wasn't explicit in the text, it was only later on when her brother tells Matt (the farmer) that I realised that he had actually copulated. Anyway, their father comes along and stops then and sends both of them away. This is the part where I stopped liking Clive. I liked him when he was sensitive and painted all day and all night. Then he does this to Cissie and I was trying to get my head around it.

I know people are weak and I know it was different back then but... I dunno. Then to add insult to injury, he goes on a ship as punishment and comes back as a jerk ass. Yeah, he comes back and sees Cissie's child who his father has taken and is all "oh well, I probably have other bastards in all the brothels i've been in herrr durrr"

The thing I like about CC as an author is that she had realistic characters with weaknesses. It's a lot for me to ask that he wasn't whoring it up while at sea, since every sailor and his dog did it (if the historians are to be believed) but he had so much potential and then he gets "hardened". I don't know how I feel about characters being "hardened". This was a huge problem for me, with Twelve Kingdoms, because Yuko stops being a sympathetic school girl and starts being a very cold, calculated and strong individual. I liked that she became strong but there was nothing left in her that was human. Coming from our era and going into a medieval type world, she has no qualms about killing other humans which she does at the beginning. In fact she becomes very boring after she has her buddhist type purifying of the mind.

Later on even after he admits he loves Cissie he still has mistresses and in this case, this book is the complete and utter opposite of Jane Eyre. It's ok that the mr. whatsisface had mistresses before Jane because he was all messed up and stuff, but after, oh no that's a big no no. I mean yes it's realistic... but is that really what I want? realism?

The ending is not at all like the movie. She marries Matt (wtf) and they have a crappy marriage (which I liked because yeah again realism) but then he dies and she mets up with the brother and he asks her to marry him. Oh and the son never loves her, ever (her son I mean) that she had with Clive. So in that respects it's kind of like Vanity Fair, except I kind of liked Amelia, despite her naivity and Dobbin <3. The thing that horrified me was the line at the end of the book however that:
"she'd been nobodies except that man's since he'd mated her"

Throughout the book I was in two minds about the rape, on the one hand it was rape on the other hand CC states several times that Cissie sort of enjoyed it. Does the sort of count? really?? I mean as a staunch Feminist can I accept this? So although I really liked this book. I feel very... confused over it.

Also If I had been Cissie I would have a) given my son away to stop my brothers and sisters from starving b)locked matthew out and never let him in again the effing tease c)never would have given my son back d) taken clive's offer of the house but refused to be his mistress and demanded marriage even if I was of lower class and needed to be "educated".

I am therefore... concerned but I read the book in two days, so I did enjoy it. I'll watch the film now and hopefully, that will smooth out the edges and make it into my favourite films list.

Stand Up

A blogger writes about how the Globalization effect is changing our media and making us brain dead, to American tropes. I couldn't agree with her more.

I’m tired of plots that value individualism and egotism above all else; of heroes that always have to be the masters of their own fates, to be active and not take anything that life deals at them lying down (whereas most of the time, we lie down, we accept, we deal with what we have been given); of heroes that have to be strong and only take marginal help from others to solve their own problems; of heroes that have a destiny, and of movies and books in which breaking up with all traditions is good so long as one finds and follow one’s own path (there are a lot of cultures where breaking up with traditions isn’t necessarily a good thing, and no, this doesn’t mean that they’re evil and backward). I’m tired of how genre(s) put(s) a disproportionate value on heroes who are active and not passive (and, by extension, belittles and dismisses every use of passive voice, and always asks for sentences to be frenetically punchy); of how the most important thing that can happen to a person is to be “given their own story”, as stories weren’t made up of a mosaic of people all interacting together; of how teams exist only either as a background and foil for a single hero, or as a compendium of individuals, each fighting to be outdo each other in stupid displays of heroism

Thankyou~

Now i'll return to my Chinese novel, my Japanese tv show and my European books.

Ponderings

Man I loooove geeking out about Berserk! it's one of the few things that can make me talk for a long time LOL. Me and an old friend recently got in touch and what brought us back together was us geeking out together about Berserk. I usually like to remain on the outer fringes of a fandom, so I didn't know apparently there's going to be a film??? and even maybe a second season. I was like what? but yeah I was happy.

ONE DAY.

Right now i'm researching my own novel about the nature of leadership and king hood. I downloaded the Leviathan off Librevox and have been listening to that. Once again I need to re-listen to the Prince (narrated by Chip from tampa florida LOL) and check my Analects of Confucius. I'm going to type virtue and kingship into google books and see what comes up.

Secondly, somewhat berserk related, i've been thinking about dark fantasy and masculinity. I recently bought the Witcher 2 game (however guess what I can't play it because of the LAG). I think that these sort of medieval worlds devoid of morality is interesting. Is this based upon a warlike world? where masculinity must be exaggerated and rape is used as a weapon? So the differences between the sexes must be exaggerated? I think of the differing versions of femininity in Beserk, with Casca and Charlotte, both of whom are destroyed by male sexual desire and vengeance. About how the lower classes are portrayed in the Witcher, drunken, lewd and bigoted, whereas the nobility are again epitomes of masculinity, killing and sexing and killing and sexing. I need to research this!

Hard Times

My flatmate just texted me from America. She told me that she got an email from our university, telling her she had failed her degree. I sat for a few seconds in shock. Of all people, she shouldn't have failed. She's smart, really smart. I know she fudged up in the last few months but still. Sometimes i'm so mad at my uni, I failed my first year, and my other friend Alex also failed in the second year. My university is a bitch.

Another thing I want to complain about. Though I love said flatmate very much, for a long time she started going on about her body to me. She'd keep going on about how she hated her thighs and her tummy, how she had all these spots, dark circles, the way her hips were too fat and how she had to get rid of that horrid cellulite. I love my body but for some reason all her negativity got to me, I started looking in the mirror picking out my own flaws, when I went swimming yesterday, a past-time I usually enjoyed all I could think about was judging my body and being jealous of other girls there. I was horrified at myself, this isn't me. I have a very positive view of my body, I don't base my worth upon what men want, I don't judge myself based on my sexual experiences and beauty, I base myself on my morale acts and personality.

In order to remind myself of this I joined a tumblr group called "hellyeahdangerouscurves" and it was great, pictures of beautiful curvy girls. However I then started to judge myself based on them! and so many girls on this tumblr were sending in pictures of themselves (beautiful pictures) and writing underneath how much they hated their body and were trying to lose weight. I couldn't bear that negativity, so I deleted it from my feed.

I feel bad about this, bad that I let my flatmate get to me. I see that women who are insecure in their bodies also judge other women based on their weight. That's what I did and I refuse to do it anymore. I love my body and it makes me mad, to live in a world like this.

Thank goodness for fatshion chic and skorch, for all the bloggers I follow. For the magazine Kickback, for my own mother who never criticise herself, for everyone who feels content in their own skin.

Oh me

Man Odo and Nerys's relationship is getting tre complicated and that's the complicated I like. Odo is really a liquid so he doesn't do "human" well and Dax was all to Nerys "you care way too much about appearances" *Hint hint* but Nerys is all "Whuuu???" She's completely blinded to the affection they obviously share.

When she starts dating that monk dude from Bajour, she's tells Odo she loves this guy and Odo is all:
I was also mighty pissed off, I was like Nerys Y U NO love Odo? He's like the best. However I know that their friendship had taken a nose dive when Odo found out that Nerys had killed this guy, whose murder he had investigated ages ago. Also Odo is such a weird creature, as he says to that woman with the wig *who I loved by the way* his mouth is only an imitation of a mouth, so I get why Nerys is all "I don't see it" or "I don't want to see it"

But she's always there! Like with him all the time. This isn't friendship dudette!! This guy can't take a break in his bucket without her being there to check he's ok. Nerys is so blind it's like she switched places with that guy from Saint Seiya who gouged his own eyes out (yeah we got to that part... OH MAN). Its like a big mix up of the elephant man and Cyrano and etc. lol BUT I LOVE IT!
In the last episode I watched, Odo finds out his people are like tre evil and of course Nerys is there cockblocking every other woman who wants Odo as usual (lol) and then when he's all upset she takes his hand and he's all surprised.

OMG SQUEEEEE!
So cute <3

What's up with Saint Seiya? Episode 24

Yeah I got the episodes mixed up... doesn't matter though LOL.

For some reason this episode starts with a really long re-cap of what's been happening so far, I don't mind coz I can skip and also we get to see Shun <3 ah Shun


And it seems like it's the end for girly guy, even though before that we have this:
which leads to this:
No no he's not a lady, he's got "Griffiths" syndrome, where his penis is detachable apparently. YAH... that or Japan had strict censorship laws but instead of doing an waist up shot, gives us THIS. Thankfully later on it's a sunbeam that censors him. YAH needs more sunbeam:
Of course eventually we're spared any more of this, some sexual puns
Seiya replies with "I've got past your defences" and "We're both going down together" OOOH YEAAAH. Eventually however, Seiya KILLS him (Yeah I know), because that's what REAL men do, kill ambigiously gay men... OH saint seiya, you and your crazy masculinity!!

Oh and Marin gets a punch to the head.... like for real, just look at that picture!! Because this guy has some weird Moby Dick attack. Anyway.... she's not quite dead but to add insult to injury they decide to dig up Seiya's cross and stick it in the sea and tie her to it until the sea rises and she drowns, the way Japanese people used to do to Christians back in the day. At least they tied her upside down....... -_-.... my poor religion.

Anyway. Seiya's gotta save her OH and it's revealed that she IS his sister (big whoop) so yeah that's it for now.

What's up with Saint Seiya? Episode 28

Anyway. Episode 28. Not much has happened since last time, some people died, something shiny was stolen and then retaken, Saori threw her jewellry into the sea Titanic style and that was that. Anyway time for this episode... with SCREENSHOTS!


Shania (the best female character in this thing) of course wants to kill Seiya, but for some reason the Holy Father (??) chooses Marin, who was Seiya's teacher and also probably his not very !secret sister. Shania is pissed but she figures Marin will kill Seiya off for her.


Shun after saving Saori's life gets told off for not being masculine enough, coz you know he's like Andromeda and Andromeda is a GIRL and GIRLS CRY. LOL. Of course this cues for MANLY TEARS to be had by all:


Even by Saori:


*Le sniff* ANYWAY, back in Japan, this is happening:

Don't you just love his eyebrows? I mean seriously... they so happy.

Of course that brat that's the little brother of the hot pink haired guy cheats, CHEATING in football?? well I never!! Of course since Seiya is a Gary Stu he managed to catch this pass. Yeah.

Seiya goes on a sort of "date" with this pig haired girl who I can never remember the name of, this is what is happening: "Oh Seiya I love how you abandon me to go and fight overseas! you know i'll always be here waiting for you.... ALWAYS...." Seiya: "Hell YEAH"

Then suddenly this guy crashes their date. Yes it's a guy. I mean I am the Queen of loving girly looking men but this is too far! Look at those sumptous lips! geez! Turns out he's some sort of Silver Saint, while everyone else is a bronze (huh) and of course he's here to kill, guess who, Seiya.

Oh and Marin is there too, to introduce us to this guy and yes... that's his name LIZARD. LIZ_ARD.... so yeah. Lizard.... Anyway. He and Seiya fight and this happens:

Doh! But then Marin gets in and the action and dum dum dum.... Saint Seiya pulls it's patented move, where it "kills" off a character.



What kind of villain gives you a grave?? on a beach? I mean that's gonna wash away pretty quick and Seiya didn't leave a pretty corpse ya know, I mean this is where children play! Anyway, never fear, turns out it was some weird romeo/juliet punch that Marin did and he's ALIVE huzzah. Not before, in some weird way, his friends sense a disturbance in the force:

Hyoga at this time, is taunting a polar bear. Yeah that's what saints do in their free time, taunt wild animals at zoos... what a jerk LOL

Of course it ends with a cliff hanger, will Seiya defeat this girly guy?

YES... he's the main character... duh.

Love

(Pic not related LOL)

I am so in love with the Odo X Nerys pairing in ST:Deep Space Nine. It's like everything I ever wanted in a romance and more! I even have a massive crush on that shape-shifter!! Yes I am squeeing again LOL.

Ah ST first Seven and Chakotay and now this, I love you <3

Inspiration

Just some notes i'm jotting down here for future reference.

Black kimono type dress-> sheer material. Black hair-> striking green eyes -> jade reference. Chrysanthemum Baochai -> nickname Chry. Chry Baochai. Love conflict -> duty vs. passion. His duty -> hero, her duty -> career. Add Claudia as conflict? Alien child? Fahima robots again?? Star stories reference??

Last Night

Last night I dreamt on and off again about Griffths from Berserk for some reason. Suffice to say, it was a nice dream for me! LOL. I dreamt somehow that I was back as a teenager again, attempting unwisely to win the affections of a man away from another girl. I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging nosebleed, finding two huge drops on my pillow. What does that say about me?? LOL.

Despite the fact that I love the anime, I find the manga too sickly for me. Too male adolescent but I guess that's what he was going for. It is a SHONEN manga after all. Something about it has always drawn me in however... I don't know what. Some sort of strange affinity in my mind. As if it was a dream I had, as in dreams our inhibitions are severed. It has that kind of feeling for me. There's something dangerous about it, I am indeed a "Charlotte" type, easily drawn in. The gothic heroine in a white dress, lost in the castle of horrors.
I'd like to meet the author, just because it's so weird. On second thought... maybe not... He's probably like the anons on 4chan on /b/... and even they don't go that FAR!

The end.

I finished my final exams. Hopefully uni for me is over.

These four years have been increasingly difficult to cope with.
1) I find it hard to do nothing all day. I need purpose, drive. I need routine, without it I wither
2) I don't have a sexual body or mind. I'm a swan, I only mate with one person :D. Therefore university social life is hard on me.
3) I find it hard to be around others who have very little ambition, who seek enjoyment through pure hedonism. For whom, their bible and word of God is television.
4) I was diagnosed with depression and OCD in the third year.
5) I am a family person, being away from my family was very hard on me. I lost most of my "Uni family" to boyfriends and changes.

On a lighter note. I fell out of talking about Star Trek: Voyager. There was just so many episodes!! I am however very near the end. I can't bear to watch the last few episodes!

Seven has had a huge impact on me. The same she did when I was child. She and I are so similar it is almost scary. Both of us find it difficult to understand other human beings and their actions, find many things "irrelevant" and have difficulty in fitting in. in the episode where she mets her old lover, and he calls her by her human name, I was thinking "she should get angry and say that her name is Seven" and that's just what she did. I was very happy LOL.

The episode "Human Error" was a very touching episode, and my favourite of any tv episode ever. Chakotay was so smokin hot, mmmmm yeah LOL but seriously, I can understand Seven so much here. She and I find it hard to accept the all emcompassing power of love. We find it difficult to accept anything less than perfection and that is why it's so hard.

I am really loving her and Chakotay's beginnings of their relationship. At the end of "Natural Law" when both of them are so shy together. It was beautiful. I just wish they had gotten together sooner. Not just in the last six episodes LOL. They will always be my top OTP.

Skyrim

So yeah, I remember back when I first played Morrowind. Such a strange feeling, being so free in that world. Like a dream... and a game that never ended. So strange. I remember seeing the silt riders and feeling so completely out of my depth. Vivec, the city, was so beautiful, something I had never seen in any RPG before, whereas other found it caustrophobic I loved it. The books that you could read, the real books! I read all of Vivec verses, some Benegaria, it was all amazing. The story based on Hindu theology was completely unique, something I had yet to see. The look of the gods and the Daedra... the Golden Saints even. The way that the statues spoke through you. The haunting tapestry pictures of the Saint.

Oblivion came out afterwards. I was somewhat less in awe. I hated Oblivion (the place) hated going into the gates, the sooner I could get out the better. It was the start of Melisande's beginning though, the character I will keep for Skyrim. Her crime (the one that led her to be in prison and then to be executed, was drowning her uncle while they were on a boat together, for crimes he had commited to her and others). Of course i'll keep my tradition of being a firebolt mage, the fighting seems intresting.

Within these games however was always a profound loneliness, as I stated before. Your character completely alone in the world. Maybe it will change in Skyrim.

I have my problems with Skyrim. I fear it might only be for Xbox, the graphics are wonderful, so I fear that most PC's won't be able to run it. Also problems with moving the controls from xbox to pc. We had such problems with Oblivion before. We shall have to see.

More SHODAN

It's so creepy, her laugh, her voice. I love it. It's like a sci-fi gothic horror. It inspires me to write better villains So here's some more:

I am SHODAN

Whoop whoop, Borg episode, loved them since I was a kid LOL. In celebration, let's have some evil SHODAN. Best female villain ever.

HELL YES! 0324

Finally a decent episode. I was beginning to get annoyed with this season, first off Kes does a complete heel turn or "matures" I suppose and ends up breaking up with Neelix. I mean what? why? I loved that couple so much and Neelix deserved better than that. She ends up running around and sleeping with other men!! *SHOCK*. Plus they wreck the whole canon by doing a going into the future episode, where Kes and Paris have a baby and then Kim marries that baby and has another baby. I was just like WTF??? Although it is established that Paris only ends up with Kes after B'Elanna dies, I was still feeling a little cheated.

Of course when she comes back everything changes. B'Elanna doesn't die and Kes seems in no hurry to try and change the future so that what happens (A happy family life and a loving spouse for Kim) comes to past. Not only that but she's stealing my hairstyle LOL.

Before this episode, we had the Doctor having a family which didn't turn out so good for him, another crummy filler episode. Also In my most hated trope, the "love potion" trope, B'Elanna comes onto Paris which in turns starts their relationship, because some Vulcan mindraped her and she had the "bloodfever" basically the DO ME or die illness. Ugh. Of course he CANNOT resist her, because he's a "man" and men can't control their "sexual urges" but is all noble and doesn't want to do anything to her while she's under the influence. Eventually C-man and Mr.T are all like, just go do it already, and they end up nearly having very rough sex. Before the crazed Vulcan interrupts them.
The whole "i wanna do Chakotay" on her part seems to be left as an loose end and we have to assume she merely got over it in the past three years.

Speaking of which, C-man gets some action with some borg woman he meets on some planet. They share their minds so of course to heal him, now they have to have hot sex because they can feel what the other is feeling (squick). Course C-man's feelings for C'pn J are explained away because this woman is so much like her apparently.

Now finally after all these crummy filler episodes, we've got a decent one. B'Elanna finds a holodeck simulation where the Marquis take over V-cruise. A hark back to season 1 is just what I need right now. Then it turns out that the holographic Sezka, becomes sentient and starts changing things, including making C-man all over her. I was like YES, finally we're getting back to the original plot which seemed to get lost in all the filler.

I hope it gets better, I need me some more Borg episodes.

The Next few eps

Right ok, lemme try and remember what's been happening.

So Kes turning into a manly man whens she was taken over by Machiavelli (no not really lol), Harry fell in love with a holodeck woman who turned out to be a real woman but who really had a thing for vulcans instead. Q tried to get C'pn J to have a baby with him and Chakotay was all JEALOUS and cute. Oh yeah, there was this crazy two part episode with SARAH silvermen of ALL people about that guy with the BIG ass from sabrina wanting to go forwards in time and steal technology but then dooming earth. Where C-man is all "she has your legs" about some skater woman who bumps into C'pn J WTF chakotay WTF????

Oh yeah and then C'pn J almost died and started having some crazy visions and it was all deep thinking and what happens after we die? and all that kinda bullshit. But again C-man was all "DON'T DIE ON ME" and "You're tearing me apart C'pn J!!" well not that last part but still. He was all cradling her in his arms and shiz and i'm just like WANT.

Oh and right now, some vulcan is trying to mindrape Torres. Intriguing....

The Last Few EPS.

From basics I forwards.

So yaaaaaaaah. Here we go.

Shockingly V-cruise gets taken over by the slavic aliens and all the crew are put on some planet is order to survive without technology *Shockshock* of course, they handle it pretty well except that Nix gets some guy killed, the same one who was all up in C'pn J's grill about having Torres as the head engineer person. Of course there's also some native species that kidnaps Nix and Kes, coz they're the weakest of course.

Anywho. C-man goes to get em back and of course because he's so amazing, they try to fob off one of their women on him but he's like no deal and they end up running for their lives into the same cave where the guy got killed.

Then C'pn J comes to their rescue just as the volcano erupts, and one of the native women gets stranded in a river of lava. Of course C-man LIKE A BOSS just jumps down and gets her, and everyone is now happy and that blonde lady's inter-species baby is cured YAY.

MEANDWHILE... the DR who saves everyone's asses all the time, along with the convict turned good guy, manage to overthrow the Slavic clothed aliens with Paris, who of course, managed to escape and has an AMAZING plan which works. Of course, convict turned good guy dies in classic pose from battlestar gallactica BEST DEATH EVER (NO NO I kid LOL) but he does die.

Oh YEAH, turns out Sezca wasn't having C-man's baby after all, it was just her's and that Marsh guys's. But C-man was all EMO over it and his dad was like "eeeer... I had to do something to concive you" and C-man was all "noooo I didn't DO HER, she stole my DNA" and then his DAD was like "our women loved our rape babies" (obviously this guy has never watched LAw and order: SVU) "so you better love your rape baby too".

In Tom's AMAZING plan, Sezca gets hurt and hearing her baby crying runs to it only to die. Marsh guy takes the baby and that's what happens.

Everyone gets back on board all is well.

Then we have some random filler episodes, Tuvok gets a virus, Paris and Kim have homoerotic tendencies down in a space prison and something else I can't remember.

Then we get a Torres heavy episode, of course since she hasn't been going at it like rabbits with every other member of the crew like Tom, she's obviously repressed and has a sex dream. Of course C-man is there to be all "oooh did you dream about anyone is particular" oh C-man, you so smooooth. Of course why you would tell anyone about your own wet dreams is beyond me. TMI torres TMI!!. Anyway turns out it's some sickly sweet love story about two star-crossed kids, in some sort of holocaust inspired story. Torres is sure that like the Japanese, the country is trying to cover up it's past and goes all bitchslap on the head guy.

Of course nothing can be proved and in my experience, I'm more likely to side with the evil people in this, you can't just blame a society just because of some old lady's dying memories without proof.

Then we get a C'pn J episode, all about spirtuality which was great coz after that horrible Torres episode, I was beginning to lose faith in this series, but NO this was EPIC. I was like YAY, at least in the 1990s they loved spirtuality and didn't have something as HORRID as HOUSE on... eeuugugghgh.... I don't want to live on a planet that thinks that a mysognistic man is laudable.

BUT YEAH. I hope we get less filler episodes. I can't wait for Seven to turn up TEE HEE.

Star Trek: Voyager S02E25

oooooooooooooooooooh yeah, finally we get some Chakotay action. Whoot whoot!

So yah, C'pn J and him of course get stranded on some planet because if they leave they'll die because of some mumbo jumbo about a virus. Of course it's all an excuse for Chakotay to show how manly he is and how no woman can resist him. I mean seriously, every single female in this show is all over this guy LOL, can't blame 'em! He's the male equivalent of Kes LOL.

So yeah, they soon start acting like it's little house on the prairie time, with the C-man, dressed like a medieval peasant, sans stinkiness and ugliness. C'pn J starts reminiscing bout her childhood and the C-man is like, i'm gonna build you a bath, coz bitches love baths. So then there's naked naked naked time all around the forest and of course C'pn J sees something in the forest and C-man has to go out and see what it is and it's all OMG nakedness, must have.

I think that the C-man was perfectly happy to just live on that planet with C'pn J and have a bunch o' kids LOL, he gave up so easily. Of course after extended time with the C-man as per usual, C'pn J starts goin weak at the knees. THEN, as it always happens, C'pn J is all "oooh my neck hurts" and C-man is like well lemme just rub that for you. SEXUAL TENSIOOOOOON. Course no woman can resist the C-man, so C'pn J is like ahsnfaggndiaohdsa *runsaway* but then she comes back and then C-man starts tellin her one of his stories.

YAY....

I mean I love that he's spiritual and all and I want to tap that, but sometimes he acts rather like Grampa in the Simpsons LOL. Well anyway it was some crazy metaphor about how he promised to be at her side and etc. etc. it was actually very sweet and romantic but then what can you expect from the C-man??? I mean seriously, everything he says is basically translated in a woman's mind into a pick-up line.

Of course they're all having a happy time before the V-cruise comes back is like, s'up bitches, I brought you some medicine and C'pn J and C-man are all BAWL coz they liked living like peasants and the C-man was gonna make a FREAKIN' boat!

But yeah... and then everything returned to normal. I love how C-man is the red herring of shipping in this series, since I know whose going to end up with who :D.

Next one will be a heavy C-man episode. I swear though, if he goes all mushy and I forgive you on Sezca, i'm gonna be like WTF. I don't remember if he had a kid or not... we'll just see.

Star Trek: Voyager S02E22

Yeeeah BITCHES. I am gonna do that thing where I state my opinions after every frickin' episode :D. Hope you enjoy.

I'm glad that the storyline seems to be going somewhere now, some of the filler episodes were beginning to bore me. I mean how many times can the crew hallucinate/hollodeck goes haywire/crew member turns evil etc. etc. This episode of course is a very Tuvok heavy episode, and yeah, s'all good, coz Tuvok is cool and all. The subtitle for this will be "Innocence: Where Tuvok gets mobbed by crazy spoiled children". Yah so it seems he's crash landed on some planet or whatever and there are these kids there. Somehow they've managed to escape turning into some sort of Lord of the Flies, wildboyZZZ and are actully really cute and eager. Course Tuvok is all I HAVE NO EMOTIONS, blah de blah, some buddhism inspired meditation later and two of the kids dissapear.

Meanwhile, on Voyager. Apparently this episode is all the attack of the net face people. They must have run outta makeup. So yah, they get all pissy and shiz because they're like Korea in the 1800s, they don't want anyone else to get on their turf and in their beeswax. However of course Cap'n J is all SCREW YOU as per usual and goes down on the planet to save Mr. T anyway.

Then of course in some sort of crazy ass twist it turns out that.... (do you really need spoiler tags right here? no? ok then) that it's some sort of Benjamin Button world and really the cute little children are old fogies who seem to die in some random cave and so the last little girl, is all "all rite, I be chillin'" and agrees to die like normal and Mr. T is there to look after her (D'AAAAWWWWWwwwwwww). Seriously sugar overload in this ep, all the children huggin Mr. T and him being a TOTAL tsundre!!

This was a very Chakotay less episode unfortunatly, but I accidentally read the synopsis for the end of season 2 and I know he gets some shit with Sezca (or whatever her name is) again. OMG, you know I thought he'd be a bit more freaked out by the fact that he's gonna have a baby, but y'know... s'all good. I'm really enjoying this side story, it's like eastenders in space, except without the london accents and ugly people :D.

My day so far

I was woken up, as I am usually by Anna hammering on my door. She wanted to borrow some shampoo, so I let her in and then got back into bed. She later sat down and we talked about how crummy our lives were now that we had to work so hard, our dissertations being in on friday and our exams after that.

I decided to stay in bed after she left and put on an episode of Star Trek: Voyager. When I was about 7/8 years old. I used to watch this programme with my Dad. It is such a nice memory for me, that this show has a special place in my heart. Seven of Nine influenced me so much as a child, that she remained a favourite character of mine throughout my lifetime. Even at that young age, I remember how much I loved her. It's so strange to watch the show again through my now mature eyes. As a child, I looked up to Chakotay as a father figure, now I think he is the SEX. LOL.

I decided to get up then and get dressed. I made myself a bagel with marmite.
The kitchen is very dirty, and I can't find my cutlery. The spanish girls like to steal my things to punish me for some reason, but thankfully the left the cupboards unlocked so I just used one of their knives.

I ate it while stressing out about an essay I have to write in a day, which I am writing right now. I've nearly done half of it. Anna came in again to see me, stating that Malin had been talking to her on facebook, also stressing out about her work. She then jabbed me in the shoulder a couple of times LOL, angry because of my hair. My hair seems to be some sort of catalyst in girls, they seem to love it and want to touch it or cut bits off it! Today I put it up in a clip, because I couldn't be bothered to do anything else with it and of course this gives it some sort of new, beautiful shape. LOL.

I better get back to my work.
Amelia OUT.

The New World

"A subculture of hard-nosed realism and hyper-rationality, in a world that claims as part of it's superiority its vigilant purging of all nonrational elements, and in which people carefully excise from their discourse every possible trace of soft sentimentality, as if purging dangerous nonsterile elements from a lab"

-Cohn, Defence Intellectuals.

Claudia

(spoilers ahead, but who cares lol)

*caught her in an odd moment lol* My beloved Claudia, my character in Mass Effect. She's got beautiful green eyes (she loves red eyeshadow) and blonde hair (the longest I could get lol) and she's certainly not feminine in any shape or form!

She's a paragon (she won't even hit dirty prisoners) who has the survivour backstory and was born an orphan on earth (d'awww)and signed to the alliance and soon as she was able.

She's an engineer, but she doesn't put much store in special attacks. Her motto is "just shoot it already". Ever since her arrival on Citadel at 18, when she first saw other aliens, she though Turians were beautiful and believes in the rights of all species.

She was close to Ashley, both female soldiers with ties to earth and saved her life in the field, leaving Kaiden to die. She believed that Ashley had more to do to redeem herself before she could die, love for other species mainly.

She defeated Saren with the help of Garrus (whom she held a torch for) and Wrex, wearing only a skimpy light armour suit and a specialization in first aid.

Later on she became good friends with Miranda and eventually came onto Garrus (in more than one way LOL) after a make or break decision, where he almost became consumed with vengence. She took on the collectors, with both their help and managed to save everyone, except for Legion because she thought Samara could handle being in charge.

She attempted to keep some fish in her cabin but they all died. So instead she has a space hamster called Terry. In my head canon, she later grows her hair out into pigtails like this:

and she secretly has a dress like this stashed in her wardrobe:

Which of course, she wears with big black biker boots. She has an old gang tattoo on the left of her lower back, from when she was in a gang back on earth as a child. However she denies of all knowledge of this nowadays. Despite what everyone says, after the destruction of Normandy S-1, she wanted to rename it Ivanhoe, but everyone though that was stupid and renamed it Normandy S-2.

She doesn't have any plans for the future, due to her dangerous missions but she cares more for Garrus than just someone to blow off steam with LOL.

This is the woman who won't get outta my head right now, she's a huge influence on me, being a female character in a predominatly male focused game. It's so nice bioware lets us choose our genders :D i'm glad as they made such an independant free willed character such as Claudia.

Mass Effect

Oh my gaaaawd. I'm so mad right now.

I hate it when I find things I enjoy immensely. I god damn hate it! Why? because they always end LOL. Sad but true (and i'm not really someone who joins a fanbase, though thinking now... maybe I should...LOL)

I get so mad when things get to me and take over my life for weeks and weeks afterwards, it happened with Berserk (albeit in the WTF?????!!! way) and now it's happening with Mass Effect guh! I bought 1 a while ago cheaply and then I instantly had to buy 2, now i'm waiting for 3 LOL but i'm so saaad. What will I do until that time lol. I'm such a fangirl!

However this usually happens to me with games and books, i'll get sadder and sadder as I realise i'm running out of pages or that we're on that *sniff* final mission. I try to put it off, I won't play/read for weeks, trying to stretch it out but then like all things it has to end and i'll be left heartbroken, like a broken beaten tramp (lol metaphors, not working today LOL). It all comes from being very loving and getting attached to things -_-, why oh why can't I have a heart of steel?

Usually, I can integrate the things I loved in my own work. Like Alix's story in DA:O, which was the inspiration for Alix in Fortuna, or that heart-wrenching love scene in interstella:5555, but I can't do that with ME? why? it's a damn sci-fi and I only write fantasy and I don't want to give up on Fortuna, though Claudia (my ME character) keeps nagging at my mind to write her a story but I won't! I must resist! Even though I already have a beginning and everything LOL. Actually it was my obsession over FFXII that started La Fortuna, I blame games for everything lol.

The Pentient Mary

What's up with Saint Seiya? Episode 16

So yaa, recently i've been visting a little website called 4chan, yeah I know. However you need not worry I stay away from all that porno and horrid gifs (I did wander in there by accident once, god... the memories still haunt me) and I usually stick to CM, which is an image board all about animated men, ooooh yeah (because of course animated men are the best LOL) so perfect :D

Anyway, usually there's a thread up there with some Saint Seiya pics and thus I was intrigued, so many attractive men LOL (I kid, I heard the story was good too) so I thought i'd have a gander at it. These are my first impressions up to episode 16.

First of all I must say I love the green haired woman Shaina the most, considering that all the other women in this show (except maybe for Marin) are complete and utter idiots. I thought maybe Shino might be ok, but then her "is that you? grandfather?" spirit appeared and told her to pansy up and be more womanly, or the men wouldn't like her. Oh gawwwwd *rolls eyes*. The two girls, who are so "eh" I can't even remember their names (everyone's name in this appears to start with a "s" away), are all:
So yeah. No love lost there.

Also I have to admit this show is unintentionally hilarous! The fact that Shiryu dies at least three times before the 10th episode. That guy must have some sort of Deus ex machina machine, I swear to god.

He also does it in completely stupid ways, it's as if he wants a chance to come back to life all the time, as if it somehow makes him more attractive to Shunmei or something. I mean seriously the dude loses 2/3s of his blood so he can fix his and seiya's armour, which was their fault in the first place because they were both so stubborn -_-, and Shiryu is all sorts of guillible, and then goes fighting again, where he loses MORE blood and is only saved by... a pressure point? which somehow sucks up all his blood... yaaah, i'm no fancy science person (lol) but I don't think that's how it works :P.

I worry for this guy's future, I mean what other ways is he gonna find to almost kill himself? ooooh just let me run in front of his car, let me taste that raw chicken that's been left out for a bit, no no don't worry, i'm sure it's not radioactive. uuuufffffff!

Also don't get me started on Docrates (or Socrates maybe lol, was there some sort of copyright issue?) whose super power is making socrates big ole bearded face appear with evil red eyes, yeah this face:

Oh man.........

However sometimes they all live up to their reputation for being hotties and we were treated to a fanservicy, Shun, in the shower in this latest episode, does that make up for all the ball crap?? only time will tell :D

Feeling Horrible

On friday, I finally got up the nerve to go into the Doctors again. I was sitting there on the computer for hours trying to pick which doctor I wanted. Eventually I picked the name of a nice sounding woman.

When I got there, I got lost XD, but thankfully some nice doctor helped me find her room. When I got in, the doctor recognised me, however because of my mental state last year (I can't even remember my 21st birthday) I didn't recognise her, so I was a little ashamed when she said "Oh it's me XXX XXX" and I didn't remember.

However I was glad to get a doctor who knows about me. I told her that I had had some bad times with my depression coming back and that I hadn't been able to go to lectures all week. She asked me when it happened and I said around my period as I always have bad PMT, she told me to take some more medication for it, which I was happy to do. I only have to take double just before my period and afterwards i'll go back to my normal dose.

I've been struggling this week, it was very bad on wednesday and thursday, I know when my depression comes back because the same phrase will repeat over and over in my head "what's the point in living" etc. etc. However usually I just laugh at myself, and say "you know what the point is" thankfully my OCD hasn't been bad, in fact i've been OCD free for a while now.

I'm running low on funds, because I buy a lot of video games to keep me occupied, so my mind doesn't wander. It's just until I can get a job.

I've been struggling socially as well. My best friend hasn't been on skype for several weeks as she's been travelling and I know that something is upsetting her, but she won't talk to me about it. I send her several facebook messages and she promises to come on on tuesday, hopefully I can figure out what's upsetting her then. Thankfully, Terry has been a lifesaver, I talk to him whenever I can and he tells me all his woes. Terry and I are very similar, so it's wonderful to talk to someone going through the same shit.

I worry constantly about my flatmate, whom I care about so dearly. It's a problem as we only hang out with each other, in a way we are a "couple" even though both of us are girls and straight LOL. This means I often get possessive, because of all the problems i've had with friends in the past. However I am certainly working on this, I am trying my best not to feel hurt when close friends of mine get boyfriends (however this is painful for me, because I am La Pucelle, the one "who stands in the shadows, while another gets the kiss of victory") or make other close friends. My worst fear is being replaced, because of the suffering it caused me before. Silly to think of that, the past doesn't reflect the present but it's hard to let go.

It's easy for me to write these things down, as i'm not ashamed of what I feel or how I act :D.

Soviet Animation

Actually I really enjoyed these :):

The Nutcracker:


The Tin Soldier:


The Little Mermaid:

Phantasmat

Here I am to recommend another casual game for you. I don't recommend, unless I really enjoyed it and this I did. It's a very good ghost story, with a bit of a twist :). It starts off with you crashing your car on a dark and stormy night, and you meet a strange young woman who tells you to leave and not to check into the hotel down the way. Of course you do and things begin to get spooky, the house begins to change as do the people and as you get closer to the truth, you begin to fit the pieces together of your strange visions.

I love a good gothic ghost story and a tale of jilted love :). The drowned city is also a unique idea not seen before. The artwork is beautiful and the voice acting is great :). So go download the demo and have a go and buy it if you like it!

Vocaloid Part 1

Yeah yeah, you know the saying, but really I did get into it before it was cool! A Chinese person on DA showed me and I got hooked.



This one really inspired me. If you follow all of this story, you will get to a very sad ending. It made my cry really... The second instalment is called Servant of Evil.


Dark Alice in Wonderland. Warning: extremly gothic, i.e. blood, gore, adult themes etc.


Cantarella