Hard Times

My flatmate just texted me from America. She told me that she got an email from our university, telling her she had failed her degree. I sat for a few seconds in shock. Of all people, she shouldn't have failed. She's smart, really smart. I know she fudged up in the last few months but still. Sometimes i'm so mad at my uni, I failed my first year, and my other friend Alex also failed in the second year. My university is a bitch.

Another thing I want to complain about. Though I love said flatmate very much, for a long time she started going on about her body to me. She'd keep going on about how she hated her thighs and her tummy, how she had all these spots, dark circles, the way her hips were too fat and how she had to get rid of that horrid cellulite. I love my body but for some reason all her negativity got to me, I started looking in the mirror picking out my own flaws, when I went swimming yesterday, a past-time I usually enjoyed all I could think about was judging my body and being jealous of other girls there. I was horrified at myself, this isn't me. I have a very positive view of my body, I don't base my worth upon what men want, I don't judge myself based on my sexual experiences and beauty, I base myself on my morale acts and personality.

In order to remind myself of this I joined a tumblr group called "hellyeahdangerouscurves" and it was great, pictures of beautiful curvy girls. However I then started to judge myself based on them! and so many girls on this tumblr were sending in pictures of themselves (beautiful pictures) and writing underneath how much they hated their body and were trying to lose weight. I couldn't bear that negativity, so I deleted it from my feed.

I feel bad about this, bad that I let my flatmate get to me. I see that women who are insecure in their bodies also judge other women based on their weight. That's what I did and I refuse to do it anymore. I love my body and it makes me mad, to live in a world like this.

Thank goodness for fatshion chic and skorch, for all the bloggers I follow. For the magazine Kickback, for my own mother who never criticise herself, for everyone who feels content in their own skin.